toxic people

We Are All Toxic To Someone And That Is Normal

The world is not black and white, and we can be both good and bad to people who are in our lives

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When you ask a person what they think of when they think about a toxic person, more than likely that person may bring up a past friendship, past partner, or even a family member. What most of those people may never realize is that sometimes they themselves can be toxic in other people's lives as well.

In life, it is so easy to point the finger at someone for our problems and for the problems of other's as well, but somehow it is hard to look at our own selves and realize that we can also be a problem in someone else's life.

The hardest thing most people may not be able to do is to own up to something that they had done in life that had affected others in a negative way. It was hard for me to do that as well and after my last relationship. I had realized that, although my ex may seem like the bad guy, I had a few faults within our relationship as well. Had I not realized this about myself and gotten into another relationship, I know my next relationship would suffer greatly as well.

When you go through life not owning up to anything, it can have a snowball effect on your life.

Looking back at my last relationship, I realized that I had a lot of toxic traits that many people may not have been able to put up with. The one trait I found most problematic was that it was hard for me to let go of things and forgive my last partner when he had made his first major mistake in our relationship. I would always hang that specific issue over his head and acted like he was always the bad guy. The truth was I treated him like the bad guy but never talked to him and let him know how to fix things because up until recently I had always thought that a good partner will always know how to make you happy.

The truth is that, like me, my ex is also a person. He had also been hurt by people he should have been able to trust and like me, does not know how to love. Looking back I realized that we were both toxic to one another.

Because of this realization, the main thing I learned is that I may not be able to change my ex and his toxic traits but I can always change myself. I realized that working on myself first is more important than being in another relationship because the last thing I want is to put someone through my issues that they don't deserve to go through. Being toxic to someone in life will always be inevitable but at the end of the day, we have a choice to change for the next person or let the next person suffer because of our own flaws and insecurities.


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Why You Should Stop Chasing Him

You deserve better.
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They say “the thrill of the chase" makes someone more enticing. There's just something about wanting something you can't have that drives you crazy (in a good way). There is never a dull moment. Pursuing him is a challenge. Nothing comes easily. What's the fun in that anyway?

I'm going to tell you this: stop chasing him. Stop forgiving him when he forgets to answer your text messages and phone calls. Stop being the one to always make plans. Stop letting him bail on you. Stop waiting around for him. Stop being lied to. Stop making excuses when he doesn't make time for you. There is a difference between someone who is “hard to get" and a flat out jerk who doesn't give you the time of day. Stop letting him use you.

You deserve to be with someone who makes you fall asleep every night in the middle of texting him because neither of you want the conversation to end. You deserve someone who plans dates for the two of you. You deserve someone who asks you to hang out before midnight. You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you just as much as you do with them. You deserve someone who insists on paying for your ice cream. You deserve someone who won't deceive you. You deserve someone who is straightforward. You deserve attention. You deserve affection. You deserve a partnership that is mutual, not one-sided. You deserve to be chased.

You are better than 3 a.m. “Hey" texts. You are better than a night spent watching a movie just to fool around. You are better than trying to decode his vague messages. You are better than his shadiness. You are better than mind games. You are better than being ignored.

If you have to chase him, he's not worth it. Don't settle for someone who makes you beg for his attention. If he is genuinely interested in getting to know you, he will put in the effort. A relationship where your feelings are reciprocated is far more rewarding than one where you constantly feel like you have to drag him along.

Change your mentality. Become more independent. Be confident, be bold. Find happiness in being alone. Don't waste your time pathetically chasing after someone who doesn't feel the same, but doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell you so. Your self-confidence and positivity will make you radiant, and eventually, you will attract the kind of guy who is mature enough to not mess with your head.

Cover Image Credit: weheartit.com

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The Easiest Way To Get Over A Breakup

Laying in your pajamas is not going to fix everything.

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Breakups suck. There is no other way to say it. But... the good thing about breakups is that they can be seen as a good thing rather than a bad thing. I think the first step to getting over a breakup is to take time to grieve. Your life is going to be different. A whole person is removed from your life. Removed from your routine.

It's OK to take a day to be sad.

I usually take one to two days to be sad and eat a lot of food. You can't just skip over the loss and think that you will recover. You can't do that. Take your two or so days to be sad. No longer than a week. Don't wallow in your dirty, crumb covered sheets.

Once you have taken your grieving time, get your butt up.

Take a shower and leave your house. Put on your favorite outfit and do whatever you need to to make yourself feel better. Go do something. It can be something as small as getting a coffee or walking with friends. Do something with people. Don't become a recluse and isolate yourself.

Do not post on social media.

It is SO tempting to tweet about how sad you are or post a sad snap but don't. Don't let your ex have that much power over you. Don't give them the satisfaction of how sad you are without them. They are going to move on, so you should too. You should also mute them or unfollow your ex. There is no reason to get upset every time you open your phone and see their face. It's not "childish" or "petty" it's smart.

You have to put yourself first and be selfish at this time.

Once you allow yourself to climb out of your dark hole of pity, jump back into life. Keep your chin up and keep going. The best way to "win" in the breakup is to be happy and move on without them. You may fall, you will get random slip-ups of sadness, but you will be OK. Take what you have learned in the relationship and remember that part. Notice what worked and what didn't.

You are fine, it's just a breakup not the end of the world. You got this.

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