Disclaimer: This article is not based on anyone or anything in particular. There is a lot in the news about the #MeToo movement so I thought I would write an article about it.
I had heard about this happening to others. I had seen it in the movies and I read about it in books. I never thought it would happen to me. Until it did.
I thought it was a dream. I thought I was in my REM of sleep and I could just wake up and see familiar things and feel okay. That would be so relieving if that happened right? Well, it didn't. I was living in a nightmare. I couldn't escape it. It wasn't something that I would forget about the next day. He was standing there laughing at me. He thought what he had done would make him more of a man. He thought it would "toughen him up." He watched me there in pain. I was shaking and I was cold. I didn't feel any warmth or comfort. The only thing I felt was his eyes beating down at me. He was wondering why I didn't say yes to him. He was wondering why I changed my mind. He didn't like that. He took something away from me I would never get back. He took my innocence from me. He took my virginity. He got me thinking I was his first. He told me he didn't know what to do but wanted to try. I believed him and I was stupid for doing that.
He told me that everything would be okay. I believed him. I got sucked into it. He didn't care about consent. All he wanted was my innocence.
He told me I was pretty and I believed him. He told me I was perfect and I believed him. He told me not to tell anyone and I told him I wouldn't. The next few days, I avoided him. I took different roads, different sidewalks and different paths. I didn't want to run into him. What would I say? What would I do? Those days were different. My self confidence dropped. I didn't know how to pick it back up. Then, I finally broke up with him. The conversation started with him telling me I needed to show him respect. I was done.
I thought about reporting it. Then I thought about the aftermath. What would happen to him? Would they even believe me? What would his parents think? Would they pat him on the back? Or escort him to the police station themselves? Plus, all of the evidence was gone. Maybe I would report it one day. Maybe one day, I would find the self confidence too.
A little while after, I found myself not thinking about it as much. I tried to go back to my daily routine. But I couldn't get it out of my head. What had happened was not going to find its way out the back door. Some days were better than others, but I knew it would stay with me forever.
All thanks to a monster.
National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673 (Open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week).