*Disclaimer: This article is not based on anyone in particular. I see a lot of news regarding the #MeToo campaign and thought it would be a good idea to write an article about sexual assault.
I never knew that something like that would happen to me. I had heard other people talk about it. I had heard stories about people going through it, but I never thought it would happen to me. At first, I thought it was a dream. I thought I was in my REM of sleep and just having a bad dream. I just thought it was one of those times where you could wake up and feel relieved that it was just a dream.
This time was different. I was experiencing something I never thought would happen. I opened my eyes. I didn't see my parents or my friends or anyone. It was just me. I was shaking. I was more scared then anything. I kept asking myself what I did. The only person I saw was a stranger. He was standing over me laughing. He was proud of what he just did to me. He thought it would make him more of a man then anything. But it didn't. He broke me. He took something from me that I could never get back. He took my innocence away from me.
I never looked at him the same. Every time I saw him, I turned the other way. I would take the long way to work. I would no longer go certain places because I was afraid I would run into him. I didn't want to face him. I just couldn't. He was like one of those monsters that little kids think are hiding under their beds. That's all he was to me.
I never knew that he would do this to me. What about respect? What about love? What about trust? And most importantly, what about consent? WHAT ABOUT CONSENT?
He told me I was pretty. I believed him. He told me he loved me. I believed him. When I complained about how I looked, he told me I had nothing to worry about. He made me much more confident and made me believe in myself in a way I never did. Then he did that to me. It was almost like my self confidence fell down and couldn't get back up. It was stuck there and I wasn't getting it back.
I didn't want to report it. How would he react? It's my word against his. All of the evidence is gone. Would he tell all of his friends about it? What would his family think of him if they ever found out? Would they give him a pat on the back? Or escort him to jail themselves? Maybe I would report it. Maybe one day, if I ever get the strength.It's one of those things you can't stop thinking about it. It messes with your mind. It makes you more paranoid than you think. After a while, you still think about it, but maybe a little bit less. You might find some of your strength back. You might be able to go about your daily activities. You might talk to your friends and family and find comfort there. After all that, it still finds a spot to live in your brain. It's never going out that back door. It will stay with you for ever. All thanks to a monster.
National Sexual Assault Hotline:1-800-656-4673 (Available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week).