Makeup was never a thing for me until I reached high school. I was never heavy with it; I only wore eyeliner. My eyes used to wear brown, and then they preferred black. They thought that black looked better with baby blues. Nobody would really notice that I was wearing it anyway; but when they did notice, they told me the same thing over and over again. They told me to wash it off, because I looked better without it.

See, my mind was twisted into thinking that I looked horrible without it, that I looked stupid and ugly. I felt like nobody would accept me if I chose to quit on my favorite black eyeliner pencil. So I continued to wear it through graduation.

College came, and for some odd reason, I wanted to wear more than just black under my eyes. I met some new people, and they looked awesome with makeup on. For days on end, I would ponder about how they put it on so well, how it looks good on them and not on me. Why couldn't I be like them?

Throughout my freshman year, I wore more than just eyeliner. I reached for some advice from multiple people. I even befriended a girl who basically lived off of makeup. I got some tips from the employees who worked at Kiko, Ulta, and Sephora. I invested in a lot of products that I never thought I would buy. Back in high school, I never thought I would even think about wearing foundation.

My small, floral makeup bag received a makeover itself. I threw out the old products that I never used and replaced them with new ones. I added skin matching foundation, pressed powder, eye shadow, eyebrow pencil, lipstick (which I had always despised), blush, and mascara. I was in love with it all, coming up with many ideas on how to make myself look actually decent. I couldn't wait to try it out. Black eyeliner, but with more.

I had a routine, and I stuck to it. I had to take out extra time in my day just to put on makeup. Everything started to fall into place. I was starting to look good. At least, that's what I thought at the time.

I felt better in my skin. I felt accepted. I felt normal enough to fit in based on my appearance. I was getting compliments from many people. I never got comments for only wearing eyeliner or nothing at all. Confidence soared.

Then, one day during the summer before my sophomore year, I rummaged through my makeup bag and found my favorite black eyeliner pencil. I found it at the bottom, crushed underneath all of the new items I replaced it with. At that moment, I had wished that I was still the same girl with just the black and the baby blues.

There was a day when I started working at a restaurant, and I put on my usual makeup. My foundation was lathered as if it were almost invisible, like it wasn't even there. My skin tone looked great. I had the black lashes and the glittery brown eye shadow. I put on some pink lip gloss. I walked into work, and I realized that I literally stood out from everyone else in the absolute worst way. I noticed that I didn't fit in. I never did. I realized that it wasn't me. The makeup was a scam that slipped me into an evil disguise. I didn't know who I was.

Throughout the entire summer, I dissed the cover-up. For a while, I thought that I looked sickly without any makeup. I was afraid that people would judge me for not wearing anything on my face. It took me a while to get over it.

I did get over it.

From that summer on, I decided to leave makeup behind for good, except for special occasions. Deep down inside, I knew that I was kidding myself. I was covering up the person I really was. I was painting my face with orange-ish chalk foundation that really made my skin look rough and horrible. Mascara was always getting in my eyes, dumb ruby red lipstick was always smearing, and the eyebrow filler made my eyebrows look super fake and way too brown. Whenever there was a family function, I would always get comments on my makeup, just like how I always wanted. But they weren't good praises or great remarks. I was receiving negative opinions on my makeup, and how I looked way better without it. I tried shutting it out; my mind was telling me that my family was lying to me for some reason.

The lie was coming from my confused brain, not my family or anybody else. It was true. The makeup made me into someone I was not. It was conniving to my being.

To this day, I do not wear an ounce of anything on my face... except my smile.

Some girls are different with makeup. They can do what they want for sure. It's a personal choice whether or not they want to wear it. I just choose not to. I was almost brainwashed into thinking I actually found the real me through this stuff. Since my former friend was wearing it, I was wearing it too. It wasn't my best decision.

But I made a better decision to go all natural. Yes, I even broke up with my favorite black eyeliner pencil. It still resides in my small, floral makeup bag; but it lays on top of everything else to just simply remind me.

I'm going to miss that favorite black eyeliner pencil.

The biggest lesson I've learned from this is that going all natural is not a bad thing. I knew that I shouldn't have been afraid of showing my true self. Okay, maybe my lips are cracked and my cheeks are pale, but that's me. Yeah, there may be dark, tired bags under my eyes, but I realized that I'd rather have that than the black lines under my eyes. I started to understand that my blue eyes already looked brighter without the black. Everything looked better without the "colorful" shades.

I can't change minds, but I can enlighten you when I say that it's okay to go all natural. Don't be afraid to be yourself and show others who you really are. We all have opinions, and my opinion is that you don't need makeup to look pretty, because you already are. The fear of not looking beautiful was constantly upon me. Don't let it hang upon you for so long like it did for me.

Today, I embrace my stress creases on my brow and the tiredness under my eyes. I take pride in my acne that I used to hide with thick liquid foundation. I don't need makeup to fit in or feel good. I am happy in my own skin.

All natural is beautiful. You're beautiful. Remember that.