UC Berkeley. #1 public university in the world. Home of the Golden Bears. An institution that boasts the most discovered elements on the Periodic Table. As the first week of spring semester came to a close, I started to think about how blessed I was to attend such an esteemed university -- and I realized that I have so many questions for the school I call home. Admin, we students really need answers.

Fiat lux.

1. Why do we have heating in our dorms, but no air conditioning? It’s California, for crying out loud.

2. Why are the squirrels so vicious here? Is it something in the water or…?

3. Why does the water in Strawberry Creek not actually taste like strawberries?

4. Why does the Campanile look so majestic?

5. Why does our mascot look like it wants to devour the unborn? (Just kidding, Oski is my fave.)

6. Why does the pizza from Sliver taste so freaking good?

7. How do people even have the nerve to say “Cal Berkeley?” I mean, it’s just as repetitive as saying “chai tea.”

8. Why is my dorm called Foothill when it’s actually at the top of a hill?

9. Furthermore, why does the walk up to Foothill make me feel like I’m climbing Mount Everest?

10. Did you really have to start construction on Wheeler the year I started school here?

11. On that note, why is there construction literally everywhere?

12. Why does it smell like weed everywhere I go?

13. If I step on the seals around campus, will my grades really tank? Will I get pregnant and die?

14. And, if I roll down the 4.0 Hill, will I actually get straight A’s this semester?

15. Why have we not won a football game against Stanford yet? I’ve done my waiting… 7 years of it!

16. Why does the renovated part of Moffitt look so cool?

17. Why can I never get a reservation for brunch at La Note?

18. Why does Clark Kerr lowkey remind me of the buildings at Stanford?

19. Do EECS majors really shower?

20. What’s the deal with those two haunted floors in Evans?

21. And, when are you going to fix those elevators in Evans? I’m not walking up to the 7th floor using the stairs any longer.

22. Why does Morrison Library make me feel so warm inside that I want to curl up by the fireplace with a blanket and a soothing cup of tea?

23. How can I successfully dodge the flyers in Sproul?

24. How many protests do the average Cal student take part in every year?

25. Can we put the door handles back on now? (Although, I understand that handles make it easier for protesters to chain the doors shut -- that says a lot about our active, passionate student body, don’t you think?)

26. Why can’t everything in this world be on Berkeley Time?

27. Why do I instantaneously cringe every time I heard the word “Stanford?”

28. How do I master the art of people-watching on Memorial Glade?

29. Why did our school’s Facebook meme group change its name from “UC Berkeley Memes For Edgy Teens” to “Judy Hopps S***posting” for a day?

30. And, why are the memes on UCBMFET so hilarious and relatable that people from other schools want to join in too? (The fact that our group has 49K members is nothing to laugh about, and half of the members aren’t even Cal students.)

31. Does administration know that such a Facebook group even exists?

32. Why are there at least 3 different Class of 2020 groups on Facebook?

33. Is there any other school that has a more interesting student body than ours?

34. Why does Bowles Hall look like a castle straight out of Game of Thrones?

35. Why do we learn the Time Warp at CalSO and never really use it again?

36. Why is Asha Tea House so good, yet so far from campus?

37. Why can’t the bells at the top of the Campanile play a Beyonce song at 7:11 pm? (I'd pay a lot of money to see Oski smack it, smack it in the air.)

38. Who thought that starting classes at 8 am was a good idea?

39. Why do I love Cal so much?