Time is something I wish I could understand better, grasp with firm hands, and command it to bow to my every wish. But my mind wanders and time creeps around the edges until I'm lost again, overridden with work at 1 a.m.
As of late, and in light of a recent article, I have tried so desperately to focus on the future, to focus on a time when it doesn't hurt so much when everything will have finality and peace. But upon this future-focused living, I have begun to dismiss what is happening today.
While a pursuit to remain optimistic and hopeful can be good, sometimes our minds are so drawn to "what could be," and "only if," that we forget to heal today. We forget that in order to bring about a better tomorrow, we must begin to allow our pain, our sorrow, our anxiety, to be focused in the present.
In order to begin this healing process, we need to understand that it's okay to stop, to rest, to silence our hearts for self-healing. It is okay to have grace with ourselves. And, perhaps realizing we have endless grace offered to us, (Ephesians 4:7, Hebrews 4:16, Ephesians 2:8-9). We start to realize that there will always be unconditional love and forgiveness offered; it makes the heart so glad.
A friend, who has gone through much knee pain as of recent, told me so beautifully and elegantly about her struggles, and finally ended at this conclusion, "We shame people who slow down. We put down people who don't live busy lives. We want them to die with us. Do less and do it well, so you have time to be at peace. I used to overwhelm myself with activity so that I didn't have to be alone with my thoughts, but that didn't fix my problems. Like my knees, they got worse as I hid from them and then they found me. We must care for ourselves and deal with our problems. But we have to solve them. Acknowledging them or coddling them is only helpful if it is on the path to SOLVING the issue. I had to coddle my knees for a while so they wouldn't get worse and so I could heal, but if I coddled my depressed state and didn't challenge it, it wouldn't have gone away."
Sometimes we miss the beautiful parts of life. We miss those times of day when everything does feel alright. We feel whole as we watch the sun rise softly, with warm coffee, and friends sleeping in halls nearby. These are the pieces of life we must not frantically beg to remember, but simply relish in, as they last. Don't cling to them as if they will never be felt again, but rather, feel peace with them, in the present.
Life is a beautiful gift, and this time we have been given will heal us, whether we feel it or not. We have a God fighting for our needs, and only wanting every good, and beautiful thing out there for each one of us.