Teaching An Alien About Life In America
Start writing a post
Featured

11 Things To Do With The Alien You Rescue From Area 51 To Teach It About Life In America

How to teach your new friend about the land of the free once you set it loose.

192
11 Things To Do With The Alien You Rescue From Area 51 To Teach It About Life In America
FOX

With the Storm Area 51 Facebook event at 1.5 million people signed up as "Going" and another 1.2 million as "Interested," the internet is abuzz with memes and suggestions on how to best execute the raid (cue the Naruto run) and what society is going to do with the aliens that are freed in the process.

There's a lot to see and do in the United States of America, and your alien is going to be a little overwhelmed. Here are the 11 things you need to do to help it acclimate and learn about life in the USA.

Of course, first you visit McDonald's.

Giphy

The poor thing is probably starving—who knows what those government agents have been feeding it?! And the golden arches are more iconic than that "Gateway to the West" in St. Louis. When the employees say the ice cream machine is broken, make sure you explain to your new alien friend that that's just part of the authentic McDonald's experience.

But if it asks you how the food is made, just shrug.

Take it to see Donald Trump.

"Take me to your leader," it'll demand. You'll go to the White House only to discover that Trump is at Mar-a-Lago. To console your disappointed alien, you let it look at the president's Twitter and watch a few YouTube videos of his rallies to get the gist of things.

"This is the leader who unites your people?" the alien asks.

"Well, there's someone else you should meet for that," you say.

Go meet Lil Nas X.

Expose your alien to every remix of "Old Town Road." Explain to it what music is and try to define the concept of a "meme." If it doesn't seem to be laughing or having a good time...

Binge every episode of "The Office."

Giphy

Add the alien to your Netflix account and help it develop an understanding of human humor.

Read it "To Kill a Mockingbird."

It needs to be exposed to a classic of American literature, and you also need to find a way to educate it about mankind's faults. And we all had to read it in school too, so it needs to catch up.

Take it to a football game.

Your alien might be confused why some grown human men care so much about such a small object, but just buy it some more stadium nachos and hot dogs and tell it to just have fun watching.

Ice it.

Giphy

It notices all the people drinking beer at the football game and observes how the drink is affecting their behavior. You explain what alcohol is, and it wants to try. You avail yourself of the opportunity to teach it a classic drinking game. It does not like it.

Buy it an iPhone.

Your alien notices you on your phone again and demands one of these human gadgets. You gift your new best friend its own iPhone and download all the essential apps: Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, YouTube, even Tinder. Your alien ignores you for the next two hours to be on its phone.

After exploring Tinder for a minute, the alien asks you to explain the gender differences in your species. You try your best, but you know you've left some gaps. To help fill them, you go online and order a guide to help your new student out.

Give it American Girl's "The Care & Keeping of You."

Amazon

You don't know if your alien has a gender, but this is the book by American Girl that almost every American girl received growing up, so it's another genuine and educational experience.

However, the alien is also amazed that something you ordered through the phone was able to arrive so quickly. It wants to try too. So...

Teach it how to online shop.

If it asks if it's possible to go somewhere yourself and get these items, just laugh and shake your head as though a child has just said something ridiculous to you.

Now your alien is tired, but there's still a lot to do. To help...

Go to Starbucks.

Explain to it that this juice made from beans will help it feel more awake and that waiting in line and overpaying for something you could have made at home is part of the process.

There's definitely a lot more your alien needs to see and learn, but these are the essential starting points. Hopefully these 11 things don't make E.T. want to phone home.

Report this Content
Featured

What Your Car's Color Says About Your Personality

Your color choice speaks volumes. It doesn't just emit an image for the car, it also says something about your style and personality! It's a form of self-expression. Are you confident? Are you sophisticated? Are you easy-going? Are you outgoing? Are you practical? As you're reviewing car sites for your next car purchase, what color will you opt for? Find out what certain color choices says about you!

50173

When it comes to car shopping you likely have certain preferences, including what color it should be. Your color choice speaks volumes. It doesn't just emit an image for the car, it also says something about your style and personality! It's a form of self-expression. Are you confident? Are you sophisticated? Are you easy-going? Are you outgoing? Are you practical? As you're reviewing car sites for your next car purchase, what color will you opt for? Find out what certain color choices says about you!

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

30 Songs On My Back-To-School Playlist For Walks To And From Class

Headed back to in-person classes means you need a pretty banging playlist to power you through those walks to class.

55403
Photo by Zen Chung on Pexels

I don't know about you, but I start each day off with a one-mile walk to class. I have to have good tunes flowing through my ears during those 20 minutes, not to mention the walks between classes and the walks home. So, here is my 30 song playlist to get me through this almost unfamiliar concept we call walking to class.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Be Kind to Yourself: 8 Mental Health Tips to Try

One way you can improve your quality of life is to take care of your mental health. As a result, you'll feel less depressed and be able to enjoy spending time with friends and family more often. These mental health tips might be just what you need to forget about your problems.

33958

One way you can improve your quality of life is to take care of your mental health. As a result, you'll feel less depressed and be able to enjoy spending time with friends and family more often. These mental health tips might be just what you need to forget about your problems.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Should You Own An SUV If You Live In A Snowy state?

There are many reasons to own an SUV. If you live in a cold state or a rural area, you will see that owning an SUV is very important.

36202

The gas and oil prices are too high to run in a smaller vehicle. You are better off with an SUV for hauling cargo and driving larger loads around the town. In addition, owning an SUV is more comfortable and safe than driving a smaller vehicle.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Understanding Why Dog's Lick You

It is a natural instinct for dogs to lick

54881

Why do dogs lick?

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments