alcohol double standard

Alcohol Is A Convenient Excuse For Men, But It's A Weapon Used Against Women

As we have seen demonstrated in many sexual assault cases, alcohol is often an excuse for men, but a death sentence for women.

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Growing up, I remember watching movies about teen house parties showing the quintessential high school experience, and almost all of them follow the same format. Let me paint it for you:

The camera pans the middle-income house, often two stories, across crowds of teenagers who seem to be having a great time, laughing and making jokes with adult beverages in hand. We see the class clowns, the wallflowers, the girls with dresses too short and the "cool" boys playing some type drinking guy, more often than not, beer pong. It looks like a blast when the camera first enters the room, but we all know too well that everything is too good to be true.

A couple of rowdy jocks will eventually get into a fight, we'll probably see some boy throwing up into a bush outside the front door and some girl is being helped by her friends because she's too drunk to stand or say anything too clearly. No matter how much alcohol is being consumed, eventually, the camera will begin to focus on the girl who's too drunk and whose boyfriend is probably cheating or she's angry in some way.

Every time, she becomes the eyesore in the room full of chaos. She will get singled out for being too drunk. She should know better than to get that drunk, right? In some movies and TV shows, we see her just make a fool of herself by saying something stupid to her friends or the girl she hates and that's that. Still, all the guys there are off the hook for throwing up or having their own fights because they were drunk and that's what guys do. But if a girl gets drunk and that's what she does, it's shameful.

But in the scenarios that her actions are not left alone, some guy is going to have to swoop in to save the damsel in distress and he might even take advantage of her. She's going to fall into his arms because, well, she can't stand up so it's either into him or onto the floor. He's going to take it as a sign that she's interested in him and he's going to try to make some move on her when he gets her in the dark car, whether it's a kiss or a hand on her upper thigh. Some movies leave it at that and others show the sexual assault.

For guys, alcohol is an excuse for their actions. It's just "guys being guys" and their testosterone will run high so getting into verbal or physical altercation is inevitable. They'll vomit, they might break a vase from the house's mantel, and then everyone will forget anything happened.

But for girls, alcohol becomes a sword pointed at them. Girls should know their limits. They should know when enough is enough and how to act if they've drunk too much. They need to be able to take care of themselves and certainly not make a fool of themselves, not like boys do.

Not only does this issue affect girls on an everyday, moral level when they're tormented in school by the photos that were taken of them blacked out on the couch, but it also affects them on a deeper, more legal level.

In court, when a woman is undergoing a sexual assault trial, she is asked what she was wearing, how drunk she was and how she acted. If a guy is asked how much he drank, it's more of a game or reason for excuse.

He was almost blacked out so there was no possible way he could have done what is being claimed against him. Not only does the suspect then hold the sword against the girl, but so does the judge and everyone else in that room who believes alcohol can be an excusable reason for a boy not to be found guilty.

It's a double standard and an issue women face across this nation daily. We just saw it in the Brett Kavanaugh case who kept reminding the court over and over again that he likes to drink a couple of beers. When he does this, he's painted as the "All-American" boy who enjoys drinking a cold one with the boys and who loves his nation. It's seen as this sense of national pride for his country, an example of his freedom as a man.

But God forbid a woman EVER did that. If she sat in front of the court saying over and over and over again that she was there for some beers, get a little drunk, hang out with friends, and see where the night would lead her, she'd be seen as a slut. A whore. Incapable of being trusted. Dirty. Shameful. Because that's not how girls are supposed to act.

A woman must always second guess her every move and rethink all of her actions. A man can act like a boy and see it as excusable.

I read something the other day that really opened my eyes again to see just how messed up our nation's thinking is. The post reminded us that when Brock Turner was in court, people were defending him, claiming that he was young, wouldn't do anything to a woman, and if he was found guilty, the court shouldn't ruin his future by being too hard on him. Now, when Brett Kavanaugh was under investigation, the same exact things were said about him. That nothing should be done about a situation that happened a lifetime ago because we shouldn't ruin his future.

We shouldn't ruin the future of a 53-year-old man, but we should dismiss the treachery and turmoil a 51-year-old woman experienced for the last 30 years of her life.

Not only is this mindset hurtful to the women involved but also to the state of our country. If we don't hold each other accountable, there will never be true justice or trust. I for one am tired of living in a broken system and the only way to fix it is to understand the root of the problem.

We need to teach our sons and daughters the difference between right and wrong. We can't have two separate definitions for a single thing, one of those being for a girl and one for a boy. We need to have a clear understanding and moral grounds on subjects.

It's time to rewrite the narrative and paint a new picture. I'm sick of being stuck on a treadmill and I don't want my future children to jump on the same one that we've been on.

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle – Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.
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Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying.

What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense.

I've heard it all:

"He was cute, why didn't you like him?"

"You didn't even give him a chance!"

"You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous.

However, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do.

I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well.

Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault.

If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention a girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs"

Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him.

If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking Snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it.

He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush.

Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling.

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5 Reasons Why I Don't Want Kids

Procreating. It's not for everyone.

dambro64
dambro64
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My cousin had a baby last August. She's absolutely beautiful and I love her to death, but she doesn't change my mind when it comes to wanting kids when I'm older. Truth is, I don't want kids. I'm sure everyone says this at some point in their life, and maybe I will change my mind in the future, but kids kind of freak me out.

Maybe I'm just not the most maternal person, but here's why having kids, at least for now, isn't on my bucket list.

1. Giving birth.

I know, I know, it's a beautiful thing, the miracle of life or whatever, but go watch a birthing video and then come tell me how beautiful it really is. Everything from a woman's water breaking, to actually giving birth just grosses me out, to be honest.

The thought of having to push something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon is just absolutely terrifying. I have a pretty average to above average pain tolerance, but no matter how well you can deal with pain, that shit is obviously not a pleasant experience.

2. The responsibility.

You have to do everything for babies, literally everything. Feed it, dress it, wash it, change it, put it to sleep, and you have to know what a baby wants when it wants it. If I had a baby and it started to cry, I would have no idea what to do. I know plenty of people say that once you have the baby, you automatically know which type of crying is for what need, but that makes no sense to me.

Do babies have different types of cries? How do you know which is which?

I consider myself a pretty responsible person when it comes time to be accountable for myself, but to be accountable for another life form?

I'll put it this way. I have two pet turtles. We got them when I was about twelve or so years old, and I remember being obsessed with them. That lasted for like maybe two weeks, and then I got bored with them, which meant I didn't take care of them. My parents did. Not the best analogy for obvious reasons, but I'm sure you understand what I'm trying to say. In other words, if I can barely take care of a pet, how would I ever be able to take care of a small human?

3. Kids are messy and loud.

Look, I'm not like a total clean freak or anything like that, but my mother definitely is. She used to disinfect sticks so my sister and I could roast marshmallows when we went camping for Girl Scouts. My point is, it's been drilled into my brain that everything has to be wiped down clean, and germs are not my friends.

I hate being around sick people; they freak me out, especially since I get sick so easily. If my baby or child were to get sick, I'd obviously still have to take care of it, which means wiping snot, cleaning vomit, and getting coughed on. I guarantee you, as soon as my child were to get better, I'd get sick.

Don't even get me started on changing dirty diapers.

Also, if there's anything I've learned from my cousin's baby thus far, it's that babies put everything in their mouths. Any object on the ground, their hands, and feet; nothing is safe. Babies don't understand sanitation, so it's not their fault, but I just know that if I had a kid, it would be in a plastic bubble so it could remain as clean as possible.

Babies are also very loud. Back when I worked at a diner, we used to have customers with little kids and babies all the time. If the kid was unhappy for any reason, that child would scream its head off. I never understood how such a big noise could come from such a small human.

4. Kids are expensive AF.

Kids are not cheap. They have an entire laundry list of stuff that needs to be bought for them, and they run out of supplies frequently. I can't imagine how much money people spend on things like diapers, formula, and clothes. Speaking of clothes, babies grow out things quickly. You get one or two good uses of an outfit and that's it. They outgrow it, and they can no longer use it.

Then, as they get older, you've got to think about school, eventually college, and extracurricular activities that they want to do, gifts for Christmas and other holidays. I say all of this, realizing how much my own parents have spent on me and my siblings (thanks, Mom and Dad).

5. Raising kids looks hard.

Knowing how much my sisters and I were pains in the asses for my parents, I can't imagine having to deal with that crap myself. The whole idea of shaping a child into a fully functioning member of society with good morals and conscience sounds like a lot of work.

There have been so many times where I would be at work and I'd have to deal with customers that have their kids with them, and these children are the biggest brats I've ever seen. Rude, disrespectful, obnoxious or disruptive; just the opposite of how kids should act in any public setting.

A big part of the reason I wouldn't want kids is that I see other people's kids and the way they act. It makes me just want to yell at the parents. At least I know that if I do ever decide to have kids, they'll be raised the way I want them to be and they'll behave the way they're supposed to. Appropriately.

In the big picture of things, whether or not you want kids is up to you. It's not meant for everyone and that's not the end of the world. I always get told that I don't mean it when I say I don't want kids, which isn't that big of a deal, but it can get annoying. In my opinion, if a person says they don't want kids, it's not because they think kids are like some evil being or anything like that. It's because they know their limits.

Growing a family is an amazing thing, but it's also different for everyone. No one should be judged for not liking or wanting to have kids. Everyone has different opinions. This one is just mine.

dambro64
dambro64

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