It's hard for me to understand why you do it. I struggle to gain knowledge of your disease while you struggle to live your everyday life. Yet, you think that you're the only one in pain. I can't understand what you're going through and I hope that I never will. But I hope that you won't ever have to feel my pain either. Because I'm hurting too and I would assume that the withdrawal you are experiencing and heartache I'm expressing, feel similar.
You wake up every morning and pretend you are okay. Your smile is fake and your happiness is forced. I can tell when it's real though. It's when you put the addiction behind you for a minute. You're not rushing home from dinner to get your fix. You're not bailing on an event to drown yourself in a drunken misery.
You put it behind you, even if it's just for a second. That's when you are happy.
It's getting high on the feeling of taking your grandson to lunch. Or drunk on happiness from taking your granddaughters to the movies. That's when you're happy. Not forced, not pretending, but real happiness.
Now, what if that happiness could be permanent? Sounds unrealistic, right? You think you're too far gone or why fight now… but (in fear of being cliché) never stop trying.
As you wake up every morning and ignore that fact that you have a problem, we are watching. We are seeing you struggle and we are sad. Sad for you.
You think you have us so fooled, but we have you fooled too. We pretend we don't notice. We pretend that you aren't "acting off" today. But who are we all really lying to, each other or ourselves?
Lying is what got us into this mess in the first place, thus, maybe this isn't the best plan.
I lie to you and act like I'm not sad, but I am. Who is that helping? Not you, because when we all pretend that we aren't hurt, you feel that you've done no harm. But you have.
You need help and you need it bad.
We are all here to help and I'm ready to stop lying. Because the truth is, we are all struggling, too. It is equally as hard to watch you struggle as it is for you to actually go through this.
Therefore, when you're ready for help, we are too. We can go through this together. You can gain freedom from this liquid demon who has so much control over your life and we can gain happiness from seeing the real you.
However, the first step is mustering up the courage. The courage to stop lying to the most important person in this process, yourself.