What are some common fears amongst most Americans? Well, there's public speaking (which I personally love), there's going to the doctor, going to the dentist, heights, needles, flying in an airplane, fear of the dark, fear of spiders/insects, and the fear of commitment, just to name a few.
However, I have noticed the fears we proclaim to have tend to hide an even deeper meaning. Here's what I mean by that:
No one is afraid of public speaking.
Personally, I have no problem with public speaking. In fact, I absolutely enjoy it. Nevertheless, public speaking is one of the top fears for most adults, above death. So, why are people so afraid to speak in public? All you have to do is go in front of people and say a few words, right?
Not necessarily.
People are not afraid of public speaking, but rather the idea of forgetting what they were going to say and freezing in front of huge numbers of people. They are afraid of being laughed at or embarrassed. They are afraid of being boo'd off the stage.
They are not afraid of public speaking, but rather, public humiliation.
No one is afraid of the doctor.
When you put it into perspective, the doctor's office is not a scary place. The waiting room is usually quite peaceful and quiet (unless you're at the Pediatrician's office).
There's usually nice magazines to read and a TV to watch, and maybe even some free coffee if you're lucky. The doctors and nurses are typically kind and understanding, and do everything in their power to make you comfortable. So why are we so afraid of the doctor?
We're not.
We are afraid that while we're at the doctor's office, they will find something wrong with us. We're afraid that we're going to have to get a shot. We're afraid of the -- dare I say it --- co-pay! Dun dun DUUUUUUUUUN!
We're not afraid of the doctor. We're afraid of what could happen at the doctor's.
No one is afraid of needles.
What's so scary about needles? They are only tiny, thin, long sticks that transfer medicine into our bodies to improve our health. Why are we afraid of them?
We're not.
We're afraid to experience the pain associated with them. Even then, it's usually the vaccine itself that burns, not the needle itself.
No one is afraid of the dark.
Darkness is just as natural as brightness, right? So why are we afraid of one, but not the other?
We're not.
We're afraid of what scary things are hiding in the dark. We're afraid of tripping over something and getting hurt, breaking something, coming across a scary monster, etc.
We're not afraid of the dark. We're afraid of what we associate with the dark.
No one is afraid of heights.
What's so scary about heights? Birds and insects can handle it; why can't we? As long as we're attached to something on the ground, shouldn't we be okay?
Recall from the episode of Full House where Michelle Tanner tries to climb up the chainlink fence in order to retrieve a frisbee and to prove to Danny Tanner that she's not a little girl anymore.
Her friend, Denise, is able to get to the top with ease, but Michelle is hesitant before climbing up. Denise notices Michelle's hesitation and asks, "Michelle, are you afraid to come up?", which Michelle replies with, "No, I'm just afraid to come down really hard."
We're not afraid of heights. We're afraid of falling from great heights.
And finally...
No one is afraid to love.
When done correctly, love can be the most amazing experience a human being could ever have. I'll admit, getting to see the Selena statue in Corpus would be a close second, but having your soul connect with that of your perfect match and becoming one is an opportunity of a lifetime.
So why are we so reluctant to proclaim our love for others?
We're not afraid to love.
As love is the most powerful emotion a human being can feel, if it is not reciprocated, it will ultimately lead to heartbreak, the other most powerful emotion a human being can feel (in a negative way).
We're afraid of being rejected.
We're afraid to see those we love with everything we have in us love someone else, who will never be us. Just like we are not afraid of heights, we are not afraid to fall in love. We are afraid to fall because of love.
But it shouldn't be that way! A main characteristic of our generation is "playing it safe." We hide behind our phones and can conduct hours upon hours of conversation over texting, but we are hostile when it comes to real-life conversations, especially with those whom we love.
We are comfortable with the comfort zone. When you become comfortable with the comfort zone, you will never be able to grow as a person. The more uncomfortable a new situation seems, the more personal growth will result from it.
We're so afraid of people's possible responses that we forget what love is truly about. Love is about action. If you love someone, even if you think it's not mutual, don't be afraid to show them how much you care!
Take those risks. It's better to say "oh well" than "what if."
Bring them flowers. Take them to dinner. Write them letters. Send them encouraging messages. Call them and ask them about their day. Surprise them with their favorite Starbucks drink just because.
Encourage their personal growth. Be their cheerleader. Love them with everything you have in you. Remind them how much they mean to you. Show them what it means to be loved. You never know how badly they need it.