What are you worried about right now that you didn't worry about as a kid?

This was a question I asked myself and some of my friends when I started thinking about what it meant to adult. It's no longer "Mom, can you do this?" or "Dad, can I have this?" As an adult, it's like you can do it yourself if you can pay for it yourself. Gone is waking up at noon, scrolling social media and YouTube all day, and grabbing a convenient supper at 9:00. Gone are random trips to the mall or Target just buying what you want and not having to calculate if your budget can afford it.

A quote courtesy of a meme that sums up my feelings on being an adult: "That horrifying moment when you're looking for an adult, but you realize you are an adult. So, you look around for an older adult. An adultier adult. Someone better at adulting than you."

So even though I've been considered an adult by U.S. standards for about two years now, it's only just now that I realize what being an adult really means. Most of my friends are already paying taxes, dealing with the exhaustion that comes from having a job, paying gas and car insurance, having to buy your own groceries, and doing your own laundry. There are about a million different other things that I could name but I think you get my point.

So, if you hadn't guessed, I'm almost 20 and, frankly, I've been a bit behind the curve when it comes to adulting until recently. I have paid for my own groceries before and done my own laundry both of which aren't the worst thing about being an adult but still isn't fun to deal with. Both of those come with being a college student living away from home. After looking for and applying for every summer job you can think of, I finally found a decent paying job and now I must "pay taxes" (aka the government takes money out of my paycheck). Having a job is an adjustment.

Going from only ever working by volunteering my help occasionally to working 5 days a week 6 hours a day is exhausting. And I can't even really celebrate the payout because most of the money is being saved for school. Being an adult means that even when you are sick you still go to work because you did the mental math and calculated how much money you would lose if you stayed home, and you decided you needed the money more.

Before adulting became a thing, summer was the best time of the year. School was over and you could finally kick back and relax. Summer is the time for hanging out with your friends or that annual family trip to the beach so you can say you did something cool when school is back in session.

But as an adult, summer loses a bit of its attraction. The fun filter on your life is replaced with a black and white one that signifies your new responsibilities. Now summer means getting home ready to chill only to realize your job starts the next morning. Summer is the same routine repeatedly. It's waking up early, getting ready and going to work, being on your feet for hours on end, and finally going home in time for supper and bed, only to realize you get to get up again in the morning and do the same thing all over again.

Maybe that is what I miss, the unpredictable pattern of summer is what do I want to do next, versus the repeated pattern of sameness that a job brings.

Adulting is a struggle, especially for those of us who are just getting started, but they tell me it's worth it. And this time, I am going to try and believe them.