Adoption - Not A Plan B

Adoption - Not A Plan B

The stigma against adoption has got to go!

It seems like in American culture, adoption is always a last resort. In movies or TV, adoption is an option for two kinds of people: celebrities/rich people who adopt children from other countries (with the implication being that it's just for the press) or couples who can't have children. It's always really bothered me that people act like adoption is something that should only be done when all other options are taken away. Even worse is when adoption is looked down on. I can remember when I was a kid, a friend of mine whispering to me about how another kid in our class was adopted, as if he was telling me they were a leper. I'm positive we've all seen a TV show or movie where a kid is teased by being told they're adopted (whether it's true or not) and it's a staple of storytelling to have parents struggle with telling their adopted kid that they're adopted. These are things that we need to work out of our way of thinking.

To begin with, let's get rid of all this blood is thicker than water nonsense. About three years ago I gave a speech at my sister's wedding about how blood may be thicker than water, but it's love that is thickest of all. Just because a person is adopted or married into the family does not mean that they are any less a part of that family. Your family is the people that you love most in the world. They're the people that you drop everything for to help. Sure, you might not like all of your family as people, but that doesn't mean you stop loving them. We need to stop with this Godfather nonsense where we act like anyone who isn't born with our blood isn't the same as the rest of the people in the family.

Adoption shouldn't be considered just a plan B to having children naturally. That isn't to say it can't be, for those couples who find themselves unable to have kids naturally, but just that we should stop considering adoption only as an option for these couples. There are more than 400,000 kids in America alone, right now, who need parents. Do you know how many married couples there are? More than 2 million (in 2014). Isn't it staggering to think that any of the kids who need parents aren't snatched up? I mean, that 2 million doesn't even count those people who don't want to or weren't legally allowed to get married in 2014! Why does it matter so much that our kids should share our DNA? Sure, they might not look like you, but if you raise them and love them, they'll probably end up acting, at least a little, like you. Isn't that enough?

Stop acting like finding out someone is adopted is like finding out they're from Mars. Let's stop acting like adopting a kid is like giving up a kidney to a stranger. These things are what makes it so hard for parents to decide how to tell their adopted kids about their origin. Parents don't want to lie to their kid, but they also don't want the child to feel like they love them less. This societal mindset of adopted = weird/loved less makes it hard for parents to tell their adopted child that it doesn't mean anything. Because, and here's the kicker, it doesn't mean anything. If you love someone like they're your kid - then they're your kid. Plain and simple.

So, seriously, let's knock it off.

Cover Image Credit: Go Fund Me

Popular Right Now

To The Parent Who Chose Addiction

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.


When I was younger I resented you, I hated every ounce of you, and I used to question why God would give me a parent like you. Not now. Now I see the beauty and the blessings behind having an addict for a parent. If you're reading this, it isn't meant to hurt you, but rather to thank you.

Thank you for choosing your addiction over me.

Throughout my life, you have always chosen the addiction over my programs, my swim meets or even a simple movie night. You joke about it now or act as if I never questioned if you would wake up the next morning from your pill and alcohol-induced sleep, but I thank you for this. I thank you because I gained a relationship with God. The amount of time I spent praying for you strengthened our relationship in ways I could never explain.

SEE ALSO: They're Not Junkies, You're Just Uneducated

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

The amount of hurt and disappointment our family has gone through has brought us closer together. I have a relationship with Nanny and Pop that would never be as strong as it is today if you had been in the picture from day one. That in itself is a blessing.

Thank you for showing me how to love.

From your absence, I have learned how to love unconditionally. I want you to know that even though you weren't here, I love you most of all. No matter the amount of heartbreak, tears, and pain I've felt, you will always be my greatest love.

Thank you for making me strong.

Thank you for leaving and for showing me how to be independent. From you, I have learned that I do not need anyone else to prove to me that I am worthy of being loved. From you, I have learned that life is always hard, but you shouldn't give into the things that make you feel good for a short while, but should search for the real happiness in life.

Most of all, thank you for showing me how to turn my hurt into motivation.

I have learned that the cycle of addiction is not something that will continue into my life. You have hurt me more than anyone, but through that hurt, I have pushed myself to become the best version of myself.

Thank you for choosing the addiction over me because you've made me stronger, wiser, and loving than I ever could've been before.

Cover Image Credit:

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating
Facebook Comments