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Adoption Inventory

The top 5 kids this week!

Apr 26, 2016

It's that time of the year again! We just did inventory on our stock and here are five children that jumped out at me. Come adopt today!

Carlos Santana II

Sex: Male

Birthday: October 12, 2015

Age: 6 months

Relationship status: Single

Likes: Crawling, eating, pooping, sleeping

Dislikes: Loud noises, carrots, tunnels that are a smidge too long

Favorite food: Twizzlers

Favorite drink: Breast milk

Favorite TV show: Kirby Right Back At Ya!

Reason why parents left: They never existed. Carlos is a successful attempt at a test tube baby.

Audrey Klepper

Sex: Female

Birthday: June 30, 2014

Age: 2

Relationship status: It’s complicated

Likes: Brushing teeth, incorrectly drawing hopscotch grids, pooping

Dislikes: Getting her legos taken away, discovering dust bunnies between the couch and the wall, wearing socks

Favorite food: Mac and cheese

Favorite drink: Apple juice

Favorite TV show: Hannah Montana

Reason why parents left: In line for California Screamin’, there was only room for her mother and father on the ride. They left her in line.

Jordan Schmidt

Sex: Male

Birthday: February 14, 2007

Age: 9

Relationship status: Widowed

Likes: Pooping, doodling the teacher’s butt in his notebook, manufacturing methamphetamines

Dislikes: Being reminded his birthday is on Valentine’s Day, giving up soda for Lent, counting by 2’s to 100

Favorite food: Cookies and Cream Pop Tarts

Favorite drink: Mountain Dew

Favorite TV show: Spongebob Squarepants

Reason why parents left: Falling out with bookkeeper father over a discrepancy in the drug business’s books.

Kelly Kellyson

Sex: Female

Birthday: April 19, 2003

Age: 13

Relationship status: In an open relationship with Harry Styles

Likes: Her iPhone 6s, banana coconut smoothies, her hot gym teacher Mr. Faith

Dislikes: The parental lock on her Hulu app, maxing out her monthly data, going hungry

Favorite food: Pizza, duh!!!

Favorite drink: Smoothies from the Groovy Smoothie ©

Favorite TV show: Making a Murderer

Reason why parents left: Both were astronauts in the Challenger explosion.

Tyler Goodrich

Sex: Male

Birthday: December 7, 1998

Age: 17

Relationship status: Married

Likes: The ridges on the inside of his car’s gas tank, feeling the curves of the bumper between his thighs, dinosaurs

Dislikes: Being judged for his romantic interests, getting his crank stuck in the gas tank hole, that bitch Jessica who got prom queen

Favorite food: Chicken parm

Favorite drink: Earl Grey tea

Favorite TV show: Top Gear

Reason why parents left: Carbon monoxide poisoning (from cars).

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

It's mandatory to have these conversations.

1. What do you do for a living?

2. What's your favorite color?

3. Do you have any siblings?

4. What's your favorite television show?

5. When is your birthday?

6. What's your biggest goal in life?

7. If you had three wishes granted to you by a genie, what would they be?

8. What's your favorite childhood memory?

9. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

10. Are you a cat or a dog person?

11. Do you believe in a religion or any sort of spiritual power?

12. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be?

13. What is your ideal date night?

14. Who was/is your celebrity crush?

15. What's a good way to cheer you up if you're having a bad day?

16. Do you have any tattoos?

17. Can you describe yourself in three words?

18. What makes you the most nervous in life?

19. What's the best gift you have ever received?

20. What do you do to relax/have fun?

21. What are your priorities at this phase of your life?

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

Ingredients

Instructions

Ingredients

Instructions

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

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You know the best beaches and coves to go to.

You have no patience for the guy who can't back his trailer into the water right.

Doing the friendly wave to every boat you pass.

The cooler is always packed, mostly with beer.

Giving the idiot who goes 30 in a "No Wake Zone" a piece of your mind.

You have no problem with peeing in the water.

You know the frustration of getting your anchor stuck.

Watching in awe at the bigger, better boats that pass by.

Knowing any swimsuit that you own with white in it is best left for the pool or the ocean.

The momentary fear for your life as you get launched from the tube.

You're able to go to the restaurants by the water wearing minimal clothing.

Having unexpected problems with your boat.

Having a name for your boat unique to you and your life.

There's no better place you'd rather be in the summer.

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

1. My school is incredibly unique.

2. I am not just a number at my school.

3. I feel like I am contributing something to the community.

5. My professors know me and I feel that I can easily communicate with them.

6. The incredible people I've met

7. Opportunities

8. Students want to learn

9. Ability to join a sorority and have a house full of people I know I can talk to anytime I need to

10. I have figured out how I learn best because my school offers so many different ways of learning.

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