I'm somewhat of an odd type of person. Sometimes I'm front and center, loud as hell, and bossy as fuck. Other times, I'm quiet and fade into the background. It depends on my mood and the environment. I've recently moved into a house with four guys, a stark contrast from the six-girl suite I was used to. In the past year and a half, I've lived in six different households, some with my own family, others with acquaintances, and a lot of random people. In all of these households, it wasn't until this one that I actually thought about family.
Living with my five past roommates, it was fun, but everyone was able to take care of themselves mostly. I existed independently and didn't have to generally worry about the others. Sometimes we needed each other, but we got along fine by ourselves.
However, days before I moved into my new place, my two friends called me, telling me how dirty the house was, the terrible diet that they were feasting on, and all the other problems with the house. By the time I got there, I immediately dropped off my things and got to work on cleaning the kitchen. As the other guys moved in, they started integrating their things, following the little stickie notes I had left around the kitchen. I don't know why, but I found it so cute.
I cleaned 15 hours for three days and since then, I've still been cleaning up after them. There were so many times that they've called me "Mom," sometimes sarcastically, sometimes very seriously. I yell at them, take care of them, clean, (I generally don't cook. I don't like it) and go off to work in order to support myself financially. And honestly, it's probably been one of the best living situations I've been in.
I love being needed. I love having someone around that needs me in whatever way I can give. In the past month, I've been happier being around people and feeling like I have a purpose at home than any other time.
Being prepared, cleaning, taking care of people, being organized — these are some of the major parts of being "mom-ish." It's actually made me think about family and the future more and more. However, I've also never been more affirmed that I don't want a family. I don't want that kids or the white picket fence sort of life. That picture-perfect life that I remember seeing on "The Donna Reed Show" or other '50s TV shows and TCM films.
I don't want a modern family either, having children and sharing all responsibilities 50-50. After all the times I've been around my housemates, I've also valued the fact that I'm able to be independent. I'm able to have my own time and do my own thing during the days. I don't care about having people around when I'm doing my own thing. Having people around when I'm in my zone actually throws me off more. I prefer to be alone to constantly having someone around. I couldn't handle constantly having to worry about another person.
I'm "mom-ish," but I care too much about myself to have kids or a family. My grandmother always told me that you have to be very careful before you get married or have kids. You don't want to end up regretting it and not everyone is cut out for it. It's not a good or bad thing to want or not want a family. It's just a personal choice.
Maybe in the future things will change. But for now, I'm not looking for a family in the future or a boyfriend for now. I'm OK with taking care of my housemates and the house and focusing on me.
