Cancer, a six letter word that people equate with death, has caused so many challenges and so much pain in my life. I couldn't sleep most nights because of the pain I was in, I had the weirdest cravings at 4 in the morning, and I rarely felt like leaving the sofa, but mostly, I felt like no one understood unless they had dealt with cancer personally.
For those who haven't, I'm happy for you, truly, but there are things you might not know, things that everyone with cancer wants and needs you to know.
1. There is no such thing as good cancer.
Yes, some cancers can be treated easier than others, but cancer is cancer.
2. We still want to know what is happening in your life.
I realize that though my life was at a standstill, yours kept going and we want to know about it, even if you think we'll judge you because what we're going through is worse. Trust me, we won't.
3. Ok is a relative term.
I'm alive, but I have cancer, so no, I'm not exactly okay.
4. You can say the c-word around us.
Cancer has a negative connotation, but we've heard it so many times from our doctors, nurses and insurance companies, so if you say it, we probably won't even register it.
5. When you complain that your hair isn't cooperating, remember that you still have your own hair.
I remember when I was first diagnosed, I was at a youth group event and a group of girls was talking about their hair and how they didn't like it and wished they could change it. I don't think they realized what they were saying, but it made me so angry because, in a few weeks, I wasn't going to have any hair to complain about.
6. Sometimes we just want to sleep, uninterrupted.
Falling asleep can be hard especially when we're in pain, so sometimes it just nice to not be woken up like we would be in a hospital by nurses and doctors, poking and prodding.
7. We see the way people stare at our bald heads, we're not immune to self-consciousness.
We'll pretend we don't notice it, but we do, even if it's coming from a five-year-old.
8. I'm sure you mean well but telling us how your great aunt died of breast cancer isn't exactly comforting.
It's nice that you can sort of relate to us, but no offense, we don't want to hear how someone died because of a disease we currently have.
9. Cancer isn't discriminative.
Any age, any gender, any ethnicity, any body type, cancer doesn't care.
10. You really have no idea how many side effects there are from treatment.
Hell, I finished treatment almost three years ago and I still don't know all of them.
11. We appreciate everything you're doing to help us and our families.
I know when I had cancer, multiple times a week, people would bring meals for my family and it helped my mom so much when she was stuck in the hospital with me all day.
12. Having cancer changes everything about you.
I can smell like a bloodhound; even the tiniest of things, every time I get sick, I worry that the cancer is back and I absolutely hate seeing the doctor for anything.
13. If you tell us that you wish this hadn't happened to us or that you're sorry, we have no idea how to respond.
Isn't it obvious that we wish the same thing?
14. We learn who our real friends are.
When times get rough, people leave, it's inevitable, but those who are in it for life will be there through the tears, the pain and tell you that you look beautiful when you feel like crap.
15. Cancer sucks.
Just in case you didn't already know that.