If there was one major aspect of recovery that I struggled with a lot, and still struggle with today, it is with the idea that I should reach out to others if I need help. It seems simple enough, there are support groups all over the place and online movements promoting people talking to one another, yet many still find it hard to reach out to others when they are in need.
Why are we as a culture experiencing this clash? There are so many people willing to help yet a lot of people, such as myself, still seem unwilling to reach out. I believe the answer lies in the culture of individuals.
In today's society, the ability to be independent and self-empowering is a great skill which is held in high esteem. We all want to believe that we choose to be involved with other people, but we also are not required to be with others.
I think this idea gives us a sense of empowerment; there is a feeling of being able to be reliant on oneself and to be self-fulfilled. Do not get me wrong, there is nothing inherently wrong with this, but it can become destructive thinking when we need others and refuse their support and help.
I am guilty of this thinking. There are many people who I could turn to when I need help but many times I do not. Why? Because I want to be reliant on myself, I want to be able to take care of myself and not have to rely on others to be OK.
There is a stigma against asking for help.
On the other side of that, I think there is sometimes a stigma from people who do not need help against those who do. Sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes, when someone seeks out help, they are met with talk of how they are "weak" or "attention-seeking" or other hurtful language. This only perpetuates the stigma against mental illness and the ability for people to seek help and get the help they need.
The online movement is a good start to closing this gap. However, it still does not address the larger issue. When someone is at this stage of needing help, it can be difficult to reach out for many vast, sometimes innumerable and inexplicable reasons. Some of these reasons, I believe, go back to the idea of the culture of individuals. There is a fear of the loss of the "individual" when you tell someone what is going on.
Also, in my experience, there is a fear of feeling like I am burdening the other people in my life with my problems. There are many complicated emotions and feeling associated with reaching out to others.
I have found though, that when I am able to reach out, that when I overcome these insecurities and am able to share my struggles with a person I trust, I feel a deeper connection with them. I feel lighter, like a weight is lifted off my shoulders. I am also able to relieve myself of some of the burden I had been carrying for so long, because now someone is willingly carrying it with me.
Reaching out is difficult but it can be rewarding when done with people you trust and who support you. No one has to go through hardships alone, we were not made for that kind of loneliness. There are people around who want to share with you and want to be there for you, so if you have something you need to share, share it. It might be hard at first but practice makes perfect.
Do not give up, and do not think you have to go through anything alone.