I have slowly been building up to this point. I've written on my relationship hopping, the mentality on emotional abuse, and now, how the abuse still affects those even after it is over.
I can still hear his voice in my head after all this time.
It is more of a whisper now, but it is still there, acting as the devil on my shoulder in a way. Telling me to not do this, or not do that, or if I talk to this person I'm a slut, or if I wear this shirt, I should be punished.
It's been over six years and my mind is still telling me to follow HIS rules. While I do not listen to that voice, I have learned how to ignore it, it is still there. For others that endure emotional/mental abuse, they can still hear their voice too. Part of it may be due to hearing those words every single day, for months, sometimes years. The rules that guided our lives during that relationship.
Even though now, I know how awful that relationship was, it still affects me. It has changed how I look and approach dating. It has made me nervous to do certain things in relationships. The words "I love you" are difficult for me to say, even when I want to say it.
It's been six years, but this will most likely be with me for many more.
It does get easier, I admit that. It's gotten easier to regain my confidence in my love life, and life in general. I'm not as scared anymore to wear what I want or have my own freedom in a relationship. I no longer feel bad if I do not have constant communication with my significant other. I have learned that independence in a relationship is a good thing, honestly for me, it is a great thing.
Writing these articles has finally given me an outlet to talk about my abuse in a healthy way, a way I don't have to hold in anymore. You should not be afraid to talk about it. Talking about it can help relieve some of that pain and weight off of your shoulders. Though, take the time that is needed to come to this point, because it is not easy trying to remember those memories and discuss them.
I hope I can bring more awareness to emotional and mental abuse. It's a subject that needs to be discussed, because I want more people to not have to go through this. Because no one deserves this treatment.