Dear past self,
You did it. I am proud of you. You left him.
Your breakup may have ended with you crying to a police officer, and with an unmarked car following you to track him down. It feels like the biggest weight has been lifted off your shoulders, but at the same time, it feels like a new ton of bricks had just been added.
You will be scared.
You will wonder who is behind you at all times. Every knock on your door will make you shudder, and you have good reason to since he will show up...but luckily your mom will tell him to leave.
You worry about going out to the mall, your favorite coffee shop, or even to work. You have a right to worry. You need to constantly be on guard. You never know if he or his friends are watching. You've moved three times since then, yet still wonder who will show up at your door.
He will try to reach out, please ignore it. You will receive calls from strange numbers. Messages from strange accounts, emails from the one he used in high school. He will try to contact your friends and even your older brother. Luckily, they ignore him. You need to privatize your social media and watch who is viewing your Snapchat story, if any strange names come up, to delete and block them.
All of that worrying will make you not yourself. Please seek help sooner, and advocate when medication isn't working for you. You may want to hide your self and your story. That's okay, not everyone has to know. Some days you'll feel great, other days you won't. Unfortunately, these problems won't go away in a year, or even two, but they will get better.
Please live your life, and know that yes, you have a right to worry. But the worrying will become a habit, and you'll be too emotionally exhausted to leave the house. Go over to your friends' houses more, go out with your mom more, go on walks more.
Advocate more for the conditions of your peace order.
That guy from Tinder is only a temporary substitute, and you know that. You shouldn't put yourself in a situation where you will get hurt. You also shouldn't be hurting others in order to feel better. Be safe. You will find someone, and boy is he amazing.
You will have nightmares. You'll wonder if it's the new dosage of antidepressants, or if it's just past memories lingering into your consciousness three years later.
Lastly, so many people love you.
So many people will support you, others won't. You will be okay, I promise you this. You did the right thing. You will meet someone amazing who will show you what love actually is, believe me. You will heal.
You can do this I believe in you,