Everyone feels a whole bunch of feelings.
And oh, as unserious as that sounds, I'm completely serious. There's really not a right or wrong or currently existing way to put this phenomenon into words. Everyone feels a lot of feelings towards a lot of things and most people aren't sure how to categorize or how to explain or even how to feel the feelings they have.
The most difficult aspect of feeling feelings that I have come to wrap my head around is that I find myself concerned about how I feel towards...everything. I don't know if proportionally, my emotional level is anything like what it should be, what I should be feeling. I tend not to tell people the extent to which I am feeling anything because joy, anger, fear, resentments, hope, doubt, anything that my heart shoves into my brain, I can't help wondering if it's alright. If it's normal to feel this way.
Because I don't mean sticking a catch-all label on a facial expression. I mean really digging to the heart of your emotions and letting out everything that is screaming to be said. Every thought, every hope, every wonder, every feeling, every ounce of positivity or negativity instead of dragging the polar opposite towards one another and giving the world your blandest neutral. No sugarcoating. No disguises. No facades. Just you.
Recently, the busy nature of life and the weighty nature of what goes on in it (vague enough for you yet?) were really getting me down. I felt a sorrow I couldn't quite wrap my head around, a vacant heaviness that I couldn't shake. It became violently clear in a single moment how fearful I was of my own emotions and what would happen if anyone found out. I wanted to scream out my troubles into stagnant air, but when people caught a glimpse of the grey clouding my eyes, all I could tell them was "eh" with a light chuckle before brushing it aside with a nice quick, "But it'll all be fine!" That day, though, was too much. That day, I found myself sitting in a study lounge with a new friend. That day, I was weighing the silence with the desperate fear of pushing the possibility of friendship away with my own words and couldn't decide who was winning. That day, before I could stop myself, I told her every single thing that was on my mind.
Among many incredible things, here is what I learned from that moment.
There is no such thing as normal. There isn't. In terms of feelings and an individual's personal emotional state, there is no such thing as a normal level you have to match. Emotions are as individualized as the people who feel them, and the ways you feel about the life you experience is valid.
Whether directly or indirectly, the world has stamped everywhere the appropriate levels of emotions for each person. Movies, books, TV shows, celebrity appearances, everything is tailored to appear in a very specific light. As such, we try to rein in our thoughts and feelings to fit the bill of the people around us, unaware that they are doing the very same thing.
Sharing what is on your heart does two things. It connects you with the person that you're sharing with by reminding them that they aren't alone in their emotions, and it validates what you feel by giving you an outlet to scream out your troubles into stagnant air and break your fear into pieces.
A whole bunch of feelings, balled up into the same frame. A whole bunch of emotions around gonna come into your life, whether you know what to do with them or not. A whole bunch of people are gonna be around you and ready to hear what you have to say. A whole bunch of times you're gonna doubt that what you feel is real or right. A whole bunch of times you're gonna have to remind yourself that there is no such thing as right emotions. There are your emotions. They have a time and a place. Embrace them.