Everyone's got someone in their life who puts them down so much that they end up having to turn to someone else to rant about it or bottle it up inside. It always seems like we could easily pinpoint someone who is toxic, right? Yeah, that's not the case. Often times, those people can be our lifeline in some cases, our mood changes, and support.
But there's a saying: there's always that one best friend who makes your day, and one that ruins it.
I had one who ruined my day every day for the past two years by putting me down, comparing me, and being rude to me so I can relate and here's what I've got to say:
How do you know that the person who is supposed to cherish you, bring an ambiance of happiness, and guide you through tough times is not a good person?
1. They're greedy for your attention but don't believe in giving any of theirs.Giphy
Now, this seems like it may be easy to identify, but it's not. Simple signs will be easier to pick up on. For example, your toxic friend might talk about all their problems with their boyfriend with you. They'll call you late at night, they'll send you a million texts, but the minute you have guy problems, it's a "yikes" or a "rip".
If they can't give you a minute out of their day, drop them! If you feel worse after they've attempted at consoling you because of something they sad and NOT the circumstance, drop them! If they shut you down in any way when you try to take about your problems, drop them!
2. They treat you as their competition rather than their friend.Giphy
You are you. You have your own identity and your own personality. You've got your own livelihood--that's how everyone is. Even your toxic friend has their own persona. But when their persona becomes clingy and rude and suddenly they randomly start telling you things like, "I'm doing this, are you?" or they slip in things like "My boyfriend and I did this." It sucks because you care how their life is going, but you don't need the sass or the negative energy.
This also includes your toxic friend not believing you. When you try so hard to achieve something, they'll tell you something like "I'm not sure if you'll get it" or "We'll see." Your BFF is supposed to hype you up! "Girl, you got this!" "Girl, you can do this!" "Girl, I believe in you!" If you don't get any of those even when whatever you're trying to obtain is way far out of reach, drop them because they don't care and they secretly hope you don't get what you want, especially if it makes you stick out more than them.
Worse of all is when you finally achieve something, like a college acceptance or a scholarship or a date with your crush, etc, and they take your happiness and put it in their satanic blender and rip it all apart. It hurts because of the one person--the ONE PERSON--who you count on, who is supposed to make you feel like you're on top of the world tears you down and all you can describe it as is a stabbing in your heart because others will lift you and take you to the moon with their love and support, but why doesn't your friend? Oh, right--that's cause they're toxic. You're welcome. Moving on.
3. They don't want you to be friends with people that (s)he doesn't like.
It's okay if you take a while to realize this person is toxic, but don't take too long. You've got to realize other people have "been there" and "done that" with your toxic friend. They've gone the smart route. They've backed out and don't like your toxic friend. They don't mess with her/him anymore. They're in the clear. But if you're friends with them, it's suddenly a problem? No. It shouldn't be. I'm all up for the you-hurt-my-best-friend-you-suck vibe and support. However, just cause I don't have beef with someone who's nice to me, I ain't going to stop talking to them just because they don't like you. That's on you--not me.
4. They discredit you despite how much you credit them.Giphy
They'll take over your credit and won't look back. When it's time to uplift you or give you credit, they'll turn their head the other way and you know what you'll say? It's fine, they probably forgot or we're joking--whatever. But it's not okay! Your work is something you've put your time, sweat, and energy into. It's your own and if they can't even honor the simplest facts and smallest truths that don't belong to them when they're out there receiving recognition, they're toxic. This sign is easier to realize cause it will hurt the most. It's the one you'll bottle up the most and try to be passive about.
I'll give you all a real example. During college admission time, I was accepted into an amazing, top-tier university early. My toxic best friend said: "Congrats! Good luck! That school is hell, dude. It's such an unsafe area...there's so many homeless people there, safety would be my number one priority when choosing a school like that." After a miserable congrats, I got a bunch of harsh suggestions and passive remarks. Compared to that, I had friends who came up to me and said positive remarks like "Wow, you deserve it" and "You're gonna go far! I'm so proud of you!" There's the difference, pals, between someone who is jealous of you and wants to bring you down because you're doing better than them versus people, who even if you haven't really gotten to know them, wish you well in life and hope to see you succeed-- a quality your toxic best friend should have but doesn't, because they're toxic.
Remember: Their ego causes them to put you down for their benefit, so don't help boost their ego. Take their madness with a grain of salt.
OK, so how do you get rid of a toxic best friend?
Well, do you have any other friends? Yeah, you do, because people actually like you, unlike your toxic friend.
Stop going out of your way to talk to them, to greet them, to invite them, to text them, to be around them-- let them come to you. That sounds crazy, but distance is the best way to start and allowing yourself to maintain your own self-respect. Then, when they realize you're sick of their crap, you can initiate phase two which is deleting them off of your social media. Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter--all gone, baby! Here's the thing, you won't see what they're doing, you won't think about it; in sum, you won't know, so you won't care. And, that, my friends, is the best feeling in the world, when you realize you don't give a damn.
Remember: you deserve the best so give yourself the best. You only live once and you don't deserve to spend your life being miserable. You're not a cat with 9 lives who's got a little less than eternity to learn a lesson. You've got a short time, so be happy and make your life happy! And if you ever see them again in the future,--first of all, you couldn't care less--like an amazing person once told me, "Be civil, not nice."