I genuinely have never been torn between two things more in my life. I love food. It's my go to. It gets me, and I get it. There may be times I question who I can trust in this world, but I know I can always turn to my McDonald's and thank it for never leaving me, and always filling me in just the right places. Until the next day I come to find that it looks like I'm carrying a 5 month old baby in my tummy-this is truthfully the only serious fight I ever get in with McDonald's.. (That or they give me a medium fry when I ordered a large. We are working on this though). Thus begins my journey of wanting to "lose weight". By losing weight, I mean I want to stay healthy. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see. That could mean gaining muscle or just getting toned. Either way, it's rather hard to find a happy medium. I've struggled with it a lot and truthfully don't want to go all one way or another. Through my moments of highs and lows, I've noticed a few things that happen, every time I try to balance.

1.) Saying you're going to eat healthy then someone offers you a slice..

I don't want to be rude. If you offer me food (knowing damn well what it means to me) and I decline, you might take it personally. Then I offend you, which in turn offends your entire family. We don't speak anymore except for some Holiday's and birthdays. You don't get to watch my children grow up, and I never got invited to your wedding. This is what rejecting food does. It separates people. I just won't do it.

2.) Telling yourself you're not full but thinking about how good the taste of a donut would be so you eat it anyway.

Donuts are without a doubt, one of my favorite snacks. There are many donuts I like (I do not discriminate). Well, I guess if chocolate is my favorite I discriminate a little, but that's only because the glaze spread over top just does something to my insides.. (which then results in me displeased with my outsides) Nevertheless, donuts are beautiful, sugary, carbs that fill me with warmness. Why would I ever think of cutting them out of my life?

3.) The "don't eat two hours before you go to bed" rule filling you with all types of loneliness.

Who the hell made this rule? It's seriously some sick joke. I want to feel comfortable when I go to bed. But this dumb a$$ rule basically implies I must feel my tummy rumble until I drift into a deprived sleep. I hate talking about this rule-I'm done now.

4.) Stuffing your face with food then seeing your FaceBook friend's transformation pictures

Couldn't let me enjoy my loaded tater tots in peace, could you?

5.) Starting to question if you have any self control whatsoever when it comes to inhaling your food.

This might sound a tad strange and extremely unhealthy, but I take great pride in knowing I can finish everything that's on my plate. This actually is something that deserves credit. This took great training. Long nights of nachos, sandwiches, pizza, and french fries. There were some times after the 4th slice where I was so hesitant on whether or not I could physically handle a 5th piece.. I just kept telling myself the worst that could happen is that I'll get sick and throw it up, then can do it all over again. *downs the 5th piece*-easy.

6.) Getting looks from people like- "I can't believe she's still eating."

What in the hell is it to you.

7.) Finding so much comfort in a friend who can eat the same amount as you, and realizing what your friendship stemmed from.

"It's okay sweetie..I know you want to lose the weight. Let us drown our sorrows in this bottle of wine and cookie cake, shall we?"

8.) Getting drunk and realizing you have even less self control than when you started.

I think this one isn't as bad because I didn't really start with an overwhelming amount of control, so I think I'm more mentally prepared for this than I give myself credit for, ya know?

9.) Saying- "Screw the diet, GOD MADE ME WHO I AM AND WHO I AM IS SOMEONE WHO LIKES FOOD."

They say we are all works of Art because God made us beautiful in our own way. Maybe I have a little extra cushion from a few too many cheeseburgers, but GOD DAMN I was made this way & I'm flaunting it.