The 9 Stages Of Finding A Job, As Told By Broad City
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The 9 Stages Of Finding A Job, As Told By Broad City

Almost all of us have been there before...

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The 9 Stages Of Finding A Job, As Told By Broad City
Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

At this stage in life, I think that we all know the struggles of job hunting. And if you don’t, then just know that I’m extremely jealous of you. I’m at the fortunate point in life where it’s not imperative that I find any particular job, and yet--somehow--it doesn’t feel like it’s any easier than the real thing.

If you know me, then you probably know that for the past two weeks or so, I’ve been searching high and low for any job that would take me on my semester off. Banking jobs, management jobs, even a cake decorating gig (which admittedly sounds super fun). Literally everything. While my search finally ended (yay!), I know that many can relate to the very real struggle that is job hunting. The stress, the annoyance of waiting for places to call back, all of it. But in case you don't, or in case you're just looking for a little amusement, here are the nine stages of finding a job:

1. Creating a kick*ss resume.

You remember that thing that you told yourself you would update a few months ago? Yeah, that’s your resume! The resume is probably the most important part of getting a job, and sadly it’s one of the most frustrating, too. What I’ve basically discovered is that it’s all about selling yourself. Sometimes, though, that means just using fancy words as skills and putting down things that you’ve maybe attempted once or twice in your life, like Photoshop or Adobe. But try not to bend the truth too much, my dears, or else you might dig yourself into a hole that Google can’t get you out of!

2. Signing up for ALL the job sites!

Some good ones to check out are phone apps like LinkedIn, Indeed, SnagAJob, and Glassdoor. If you want to be extra (like me) then babysitting and nanny websites, like Care and UrbanSitter, are a good start, too! You can upload your fresh and impressive resume up to that and go from there!

3. Sitting down and figuring out your options.

You think it’s going to be a super easy, quick thing, but job hunting is actually one of the most painful things to do in existence. My method? Just apply to every job known to man. Not qualified? Apply anyway! The worst that anyone can do is say no! Aim big, my pretties!

4. Waiting agonizingly for anyone to call you back.

For how many places you applied, it always seems like centuries before anyone actually calls you back, doesn’t it? And every second of waiting is absolutely terrible. But hang in there, y'all! Your moment is coming.

5. Watching all your friends’ success from afar.

As happy as you are for your friends’ promotions and successes, and as much as you love them, at the same time, you kind of just want to crawl into a hole and die because it feels like you’ll never be to that point again.

6. Getting an interview!

GOD IS REAL AND SHE (yes, she) HAS GIVEN YOU AN INTERVIEW! The sun is shining. The world feels happier. There’s singing and dancing in the streets….and then you remember that you still have to actually do the interview to get a job and start to freak out all over again.

7. The pre-interview stress.

What exactly does “the pre-interview stress” mean, you ask? Oh, trust me, when you reach that point, you’ll know. Basically, it’s asking all of your friends to ask you interview questions in your spare time, trying to figure out the perfect outfit for it days in advance, and practicing your best, most personable smile in the mirror to impress the interviewer.

8. The interview itself.

Your palms are sweating, knees weak, arms are heavy. No, but in all seriousness, the interview can put so much stress on you the day of especially, so try to take it easy! Buy an extra cup of coffee for a little pep in your step and keep your cool. Remember, they probably can’t even tell that you’re nervous! YOU GOT THIS!

9. Being offered the job.

Happy days are here, and the stress is over! From here on out, it’s hopefully going to be smooth sailing for you! You can officially put all of this job hunting business behind you once and for all….at least until it’s time to move on and start all over again.
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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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