Everything you know about taking care of yourself seems to go out the window when someone close to you dies. It’s a horrible time, but foregoing self-care will make it worse. Here are some ways to deal with the absolute worst thing that happens to all of us.
1. Don't take it personally.
2. There might be certain times when you can start detaching yourself early on.
My grandfather became unbearable as he was dying of brain cancer. He was irritable, could be heard yelling throughout that floor of the hospital, refused to eat, and didn’t recognize us. This was not the person I loved - he was already gone. As painful as it is to distance yourself at this point, it helps with the grieving process. If you grieve someone while they’re still alive, their death might be 0.5% easier to handle.
3. Have dinner with your best friend, ideally before the funeral.
It sounds ludicrous to go out at a time like this, but that quality time will hopefully get some emotions in order before you have to face reality.
4. On that note, don't forget to eat.
The night my grandfather died, we all ordered a pizza. It was greasy and perfect, which was all that mattered.
5. Shut everything out and watch your favorite movie.
Bonus points if you pick a sad one - those tears need to get OUT.
6. Write about your favourite memories with the person who left you.
It’ll hurt a lot, but when you’re ready to read them - maybe in a few months or a year - you’ll be glad that you can reflect on something so raw. The best writing comes from misery.
7. Or, write to them instead.
Keep them updated on the big things that happen to you over the years, or even just vent after a crappy day. This is a great way to figure out what’s bothering you - if something comes out in a letter that no one but you will read, chances are you needed to let it out.
8. Remember that everything - school, work - can wait, even if it doesn't seem like it.
Take this time for yourself.