For most of my adult life, New Year’s resolutions have become something of an inside joke. My family usually laughs as they come up with plans they will intentionally never follow through on. My friends continually boast about quitting this bad habit, or beginning a new healthy routine; certainly recalling that it was the same life-changing promise to themselves they made the previous year, all of us shrugging and smirking knowing that none of it will come to pass. Since resolutions, in my experience, have become something hollow and honestly meaningless, I haven’t taken them seriously for years. The last couple years of my life has changed that however. I have fought a daily battle against anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. I spent a long time convinced that I had to hide my struggles and pretend like I was “normal.” Then, after experiencing a public nervous breakdown, I became officially diagnosed with anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, a mood disorder and a number of other things that are no longer being ignored, but treated. It is me, my prescriptions, and my psychologist vs. my mental illnesses instead of fighting on my own. My friends and family do their best to understand. For the first time in my entire life I feel like I’m worth something, and I have hope that I don’t have to suffer as I have been for over 20 years. The following resolutions are reminders to myself - and others - to help maintain a positive mentality on the upcoming year.

1. Keep fighting.

The temptation to give up is powerful, especially on particularly hard days or when something triggers you. Life in general isn’t easy, and living with mental health disorders makes it even harder. There have been plenty of times throughout my life where the pain has felt unbearable and I wanted a quick way out. If I have learned anything while getting treatment for my conditions it’s that the pain actually is bearable. Thinking about the people, moments and victories in my life that I would have missed out on had I not kept fighting through it reminds me there is always another chapter to my story.

2. Be kinder to yourself.

This generalized promise encompasses so many elements, big and small. Being kind to myself means making mistakes without punishing myself so harshly. It means putting an end to my internal narrative that I am not beautiful or smart, that I am somehow less than the person next to me (without even knowing their story). It is the realization that I can speak freely about my disorders, and that I have nothing to be ashamed of for feeling or being different. It is accepting that I am flawed and will make mistakes, but those things don’t make me less of a person worthy of love, happiness, and respect. It is taking a step back when I need a break from stressful situations, doing something that makes me happy and finding my peaceful place.

3. Remember that being “selfish” is just as important as being selfless.

Taking care of others, or putting them first is fine. Living for them, however, leaves little room for yourself and makes coping harder. You have to take care of yourself in order to continue the fight and to be there for the ones you love. There is never anything wrong with putting your needs, especially for your mental health, first. Find your safe space and take the necessary steps to ensure that your needs are being looked after. It is hard being mentally healthy if they are not.

4. Know that you don't have to be perfect doing what you love.

Writing is a passion of mine; I’ve loved it since I was seven. I always wanted to be the best at it, to create stories that stay with people, to use my words to change the world. One of my internal battles has been finding a place of acceptance that I have plenty of room for improvement when it comes to writing and not being so hard on myself. I have always had this strange thought that just because I was passionate about something I was a failure for not being better at it. That’s not how it works, though. There will always be someone better at what you love, but that doesn’t make what you put out into the world any less valid or important. With more practice I can always improve. No matter what, my words matter and have meaning. I have to remind myself that they deserve to be shared with the world. Do what you love and try your best not to compare your skills to someone else. They are all significant.

5. Never forget that your thoughts, beliefs, and opinions are important.

In the age of social media, this has been a particular struggle of mine in the past couple of years. You make friends with common interests whom you love speaking with, and then one day find out they have a specific viewpoint that goes against one of your own opinions. For some reason we live in a world where differing thoughts can result in vicious fights, or a feeling of worthlessness. I (unintentionally by others) have been made to feel bad for my opinions, or what is important to me simply because of conversations I see on my timeline; tearing apart those things that matter to me. Through much self-talk, acceptance, and coping techniques, I have found a space within myself that acknowledges that people will always have differing opinions and it’s all about how we choose to react to those situations. I choose to accept other's ideals while remembering mine are valid, too. A true friend will never intentionally make you feel low, or worthless for thinking differently. That’s on them, just be you.

6. Be brave.

Brave does not mean fearless. Having anxiety makes apathy difficult, if not impossible. Being brave is facing those fears despite the anxiety, or whatever internal struggle you battle every day. Every day at work, even simply speaking with customers is ultimately me facing part of what terrifies me. Whenever I leave work, I allow myself to feel good over those little victories. No matter how big or small, allow yourself to be proud of those achievements so that the next time you have to be brave, you’ll remember that you have faced hard times before, and made it through it. Experiencing a boost in confidence is one of the biggest natural highs I have ever felt.

7. Do not blame yourself when you break one of these resolutions.

We’re human, and for those of us that continuously fight the symptoms of mental health disorders there will be days where it’s too hard to love ourselves, to feel like we are important, or to be brave. There will be days when we simply can’t get out of bed, that it feels like we will never smile again. But, you will. If you make any resolutions or promises to yourself, don’t get upset, or angry if, and when you break them. There’s nothing wrong with you, life is imperfect, and so are we. These are not rules set in stone. Again, they are a handful of reminders to support a positive mental state that can hopefully make the journey through the upcoming New Year more manageable.

8. Remember that everything is relative.

There is no “right” way to be; everyone has their viewpoint. If every opinion of what is “normal” or “weird” or “different” is altered from one person to the next, then how can we allow society to convince us of what those words truly mean? In my world, everyone is weird because normal – when applied to humans – simply doesn’t exist. We are who we are. There is no basis at what a "normal" person is, how they act, or who they should be. It's all relative. Our struggles do not define us, how we choose to live our lives, does. Keep fighting. Be you. Stay strong, and know you are loved.

Happy New Year.