For the past three years I have worked as a hostess in a restaurant.

Here are the eight most annoying questions and comments that customers ask food service workers and the things we wish we could say to them.

1. “How is the weather outside?”

“Excuse me?? I’ve been inside ALL DAY. Why don’t you take the time to go back outside and check.” 

vs. what we actually say

“I think It’s nice outside. Would you like to take a look and if you don’t like it, we have a table for you inside."

2. "Can we have a booth?

“No.” 

vs. what we actually say

“Of course." *insert forced smile here*. 

3. You seat the couple at their table and right away they ask, “Can you get me coffee?”

“Ummm, do I look like a server to you?”

vs. what we actually say

“of course. I will tell your server.”

4. " I know your manager."

“That’s cool. So do I. That’s not going to get you a table 
faster because we have a 40 minute wait.” 

vs. what we actually say

“Oh, I love *insert managers name here*.”

5. You tell the customers it will be a 30-minute wait. “Wow, you’re very pretty.”

“Ewww. Stop trying to flirt with me. It won’t get you a table faster bro.”

vs. what we actually say

“Why, thank you very much. I am so flattered.” 

6. You tell the customers that the booth they see is reserved and they say “I didn’t know you take reservations and we’ve been coming here for 5 years.”

“THEN WHY DON’T YOU MAKE A RESERVATION??!!”

Oh well you can make a reservation at any time. I would suggest making them on our busiest day *insert day of the week here*"

7. “I see 7 tables open. Why aren’t you seating me??”

“UGH LET. ME. DO. MY. JOB. I’m not making you wait because it’s fun for me to stand here and have you stare at me. We are cleaning the tables or the kitchen is backed up.”

vs. what we actually say

“The customers sitting at those tables actually just left so I am waiting for the bussers to finish cleaning them off. It should only be 5 to 6 more minutes. Thank you for waiting *insert pleasant smile here*”

8. The customer says, "Hi, we have 4 and a baby." You respond with, "Alright, that will be a 40-minute wait." The customer replies with, "When we called, you said 20."

"How do you not understand that a baby requires a high chair, which makes your child the 5th person?? Can you just say 5 people next time?

vs. what we actually say

"I'm sorry about that. But unfortunately, we would have to put two tables together for your party. Would like wait? *insert those pearly whites*" 

For those of you who understand my struggle and have the patience to deal with these trying questions: you are wonderful.