Have you ever been out to eat at a restaurant and gotten the sneaking suspicion that your server hates you? Well, you might be right! If and when you find yourself feeling the hate, just follow these simple steps provided by your friendly internet person-who-has-worked-in-food-service.*

(*All of this advice ultimately boils down to "don't be a jerk," and I know you've heard more than one of these before. These are very easy gestures if you are not a jerk.)

Sorry for the a-hole bomb, Odyssey.

1. Tip in cash

Actually, just tip me in something I can put in my bra.

Whether you're paying with cash or card, most servers would rather get tipped in cash, because they can take it home that day. Tipping on credit/debit means a delay in receiving that tip -- days if not longer -- which is a quick way to piss off your server, the busser, the host, etc.

2. Tip well, not just reasonably

Tipping 15 to 20 percent of the bill is standard, and rarely does that amount to $1 (or less). That's an insulting tip and you know it. More importantly, your server knows it, as do the other staff who split that tip. Even though your server would prefer you tip in cash (see #1), they would much rather get something more than your pocket change.

(Bonus: combine steps #1 and #2 to really make your server not hate you: if you know you're going out to eat, bring enough cash for a decent tip.)

3. Keep as much of your mess as possible on the table

The fewer stops a busser needs to make to clear your table after you leave, the better for everybody. Keep the sugar packets unopened if you don’t plan on using them. It’s easy to pick up your own napkin from the ground. If I have to come back with a broom because you ground french fries into the floor, you’re on the s**t list.

4. Better yet, don’t make a f**king mess!

Your server loves it when you don't do this.
It's actually pretty easy to just not trash your table, like, at all. Your server really does not hate that.

5. Make sure your toddler is restaurant ready beforehand

I actually have a lot of patience for young children in restaurants (a lot more than some people I've worked with), but it has its limits. Kids can make a little more noise and little more mess than childless parties; that's fine. What's not fine is allowing your child to throw every single crayon on the floor and shove wadded up napkins in half full water glasses.

6. Don’t dawdle after the check comes

.

Wait, no, you two can stay...

Look, it's one thing to sit and yak with your friends if the restaurant is clearly dead, but if you're hogging valuable real estate during, say, the lunch rush, be aware that all of the servers are actively talking shit about your party. We want you out, OK? We’re never, ever allowed to say it, but we want you to pay your check and leave as soon as possible, especially if it's near closing (hint: if people are stacking chairs and wiping down tables, they’re trying to close and go home).

7. Remember that your server is human being (who is in a good position to arrange spit in your food)

Everyone deserves to be treated with respect and compassion, especially those in the service industry whose feet are very sore and are most certainly being underpaid. A little empathy for your server goes a long way in making both your days better, and a little rudeness can go a long way towards making your server tell the cook to spit in your salad dressing.

These are just a few simple ways to make your server (maybe) not hate you, but the possibilities are truly endless!