1. Eat It

Go ahead and eat that greasy burger from the dining hall. Don’t be afraid! It can only be, like, 600 calories. That’s only about 1/4 or a daily intake! While you’re at it, why don’t you just get two? Couldn’t hurt. It’s meat, aka protein! You’ll need a side of fries with that too. I mean, yeah, they go through a fryer. But they’re made from a vegetable! Then don’t be afraid to grab that large soda. It has water in it, right?

2. Frappuccinos

You finally have a Starbucks on campus that you can walk to everyday! What’s a better way of spending that emergency money that mama gave to you than on a daily treat for yourself? You should probably get the s’mores one because it is literally the best thing ever invented and it’s only a limited time thing. Take advantage of it! It’s like a coffee milkshake with marshmallow! Amazing. You’ll need a venti too. That tall will NOT last you ten minutes, let alone the whole day in class. Don’t look at the calorie count while you’re ordering though. Calories don’t count in coffee.

3. Who Need The Gym?

It’s such a waste of time. You wants to run for an hour in pain, covered in sweat, rather than take a nice nap? Who even has time to do things like that? We have homework to do and parties to attend. Those sports did nothing for you in High School, so now that you’re no longer doing them your naturally athletic muscular body should be just fine.

4. DRANK

Drinking should be your #1 concern in college. It’s your time to partaaayy and not remember a single thing the next morning. Calories in alcohol don’t count. It’s a liquid, and it’s a good time. So take that bottle to the face! Don’t forget to satisfy those drunk munchies too. To CookOut we go!

5. Smoke Pot

Nothing is better then a night in with a 0 calorie herb and a nap, am I right? Then you can snack on chips until the bag is empty and have a large pizza delivered just to yourself. The taste will be worth it.

6. Nap…All The Time

Why walk around all day and be social between classes when you could just sleep? At least, you’re running in your dreams…maybe.

7. Find A Show To Binge Watch On Netflix

You’re relaxed and focusing on a characters life rather than your own. Not having to move a single muscle…except maybe to grab some chips.