7 Truths About Dating Someone Unemotional

7 Truths About Dating Someone Unemotional

This whole 'feelings' thing isn't really my strong suit.
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In my opinion, feelings and emotions are gross. Most days I try to act like I don't have many if any at all for that matter. Yes, I still have a heart, (I promise) but the truth is I'm just not an emotional person. This has carried over into my love life and has had a pretty big effect on the outcome of a lot of my relationships. Some people love it, some people hate it. Regardless of which side you're on, here are seven things to know about dating someone who's not emotional.

1. We tend to not get jealous very easily.

Go out with your friends, have friends of the opposite sex, make plans that don't always involve me. I promise I really don't care.

2. We don't sweat the little things.

Can't talk tonight because you're busy? That's fine, do what you need to do babe. Got distracted doing something at work? Don't worry about it, I understand.

3. Sometimes we suck at communicating.

If you don't hear from me for a day or two, I'm really sorry. Chances are I honestly just got distracted or really don't really feel like talking to anyone.

4. We might push you away.

Opening up to or getting close to people makes me want to cringe. Honestly, you'll probably have to be pretty persistent with me, because I will try to back off.

5. When we say we care we mean it.

If I say I love you, then yes, I do really love you. I might not always be the best at showing it, but I'm not gonna bother saying it if I don't mean it.

6. We show we care in our own way.

I might not tell you how much you mean to me every single day, but I'll always tell you to drive safe and text me when you get there.

7. We do still have feelings.

Big surprise I know, but yes I do still have feelings. I still want to feel like you care, and sometimes my feelings do get hurt.

Finding someone who truly understands and accepts your cold and dead heart can be hard sometimes, but when you finally do, I promise it's pretty awesome.

Cover Image Credit: facebook.com/blake.fox.7

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An Open Letter to the Guy I'm Finally Getting Over

I think I'm ready to listen to the happy Taylor Swift songs again.
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I remember when all of this started. I couldn't have predicted you if I'd tried. I was so focused on myself that it took me a while to even admit I was interested in you. You were the one I didn't see coming, and then before long, you were the one I couldn't imagine leaving.

I'll be honest. I lied to myself and to everyone else for a long time. “We aren't anything serious," I'd say. “I'm just having fun." How stupid was I to think that I could resist getting caught up in you? Those months that we spent together were some of the best of my life. I didn't think it was possible for a someone to make me laugh like you did, to make me feel the way you did. You brought out a side of me I had never seen before, and even though that scared me, I didn't want it stop.

You had me so fooled.

One day, just like that, you were gone, and before I knew it I couldn't even recognize myself anymore. I couldn't imagine how someone I had given so much to could just leave like that and not even look back. The months after that was a string of waking up and losing you all over again, telling my friends I was fine one second and crying to them the next. And the second I started thinking I was okay, I saw you again. We talked, I cried, I yelled, you cried, you yelled, and for a couple weeks I pretended that everything would be okay, and you really meant it this time and we would make it. But just like before, it wasn't real.

Realizing that took me longer than I'd like to admit, but this is what I need you to know: I'm moving on. Finally, after months of dialing your number just to talk myself out of it, I can say that I'm moving on. I won't listen to sad songs anymore. I won't look at our pictures and re-live the days we spent together. I'm erasing every trace of you. I'm smiling brighter, I'm laughing louder, and if it's the last thing I do, I swear I'll find something that's better than what we had.

That's not to say that your memory won't knock the breath out of me on a Tuesday afternoon when our song comes through my headphones. That's not to say that I won't remember the promises you made me and want to scream at myself for ever believing you. But the difference is that I'll recognize the pain in those memories, and then I'll set them down and walk away. Because I'm done carrying them with me and I'm done giving you that power over me.

So don't call me up someday when I've finally forgotten your laugh; don't think about me at all if you can help it. You lost that right when you made the choices you did. This isn't some stupid love story we'll tell later down the road about how we beat the odds and came through stronger on the other side. This is done, do you understand? I'm finally done.

Years from now I'll look back on the adventures we had and laugh at how crazy we were. I'll remember the fierce happiness I felt while we were running wild together and I'll be grateful for this because it has molded me in ways I can't begin to explain. Someday I'll tell my daughter about you and pray that she learns from my mistakes, and when that day comes I'll wonder where you are and genuinely wish you the kind of happiness that I will have found.

I know you'll never read this. But I'll read this, on those nights when it feels like everything is starting to fall apart. Again and again and again, I'll read this and remind myself of the promise I'm making at this very moment, to look forward and stop letting your memory dictate my happiness. Someone wise once said, “Suddenly you'll just know, that it's time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings." Well I'm trusting that this was just one short chapter of my book, and this is me turning the page.

Onto the next.

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You're Ruining Your Relationship By Trying to Control Your Partner

Sometimes YOU are the problem.
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A few things before I begin I want to mention that what I say does not undermine a few things - psychological problems, mental illnesses, fear of abandonment, underlying issues with childhood trauma, any kind of abuse from a partner, and things that happen that succeeds in bringing out this side of you. There are, I am sure, many other things that need to be kept in mind, but these are big problems when referring to a partner that tries to control. I have been the partner that needs to have control, but I also don't ignore any abuse I have encountered or the idea that who I was brought out that in the said-abusive partner.

Having no self-control looks a lot like worrying about your partner going out without you, or period. Worrying about abandonment from your partner or close friends. Having to have a say in what your partner and your friend's do with their lives. Having to control their every move or to know their every move. Having to know who they are with when they are doing things without you. Making sure that everything they do has been run by you or is in your knowledge. Making sure there are no possible factors that can ruin your relationship with that person. Having complete control over who they are and are not friends with. Having control over their social media and watching their every move. Accusing them of things that have not done or will not do.

It is very easy to ignore these problems and blame the other person without easily considering self-control as an answer. And if you do blame the other person and your lack of trust for that person, take it from someone who has been in that position, leave. Or if you are the one being controlled, leave. Losing trust in the person you are with is not something you can ever get back. And if you are the person being controlled, you will end up resenting the person you are with. I promise. Leave while you can and take this article as a lesson for next time.

When the urge to control your partner flairs up keep in mind why this happens to you. Is it a fear that you will be cheated and abandoned by them? Is it your anxiety? Are you scared of something? Are they repeatedly doing things to me to make me lose trust?You need to recognize why you do these things. Also, understand that this isn't something that will be fixed overnight. You need to sit with yourself every time you start to want to control and ask yourself if it's worth it. The fights that it will cause and how much further it will push your partner away. You need to understand not everything someone does is your business, friend or romantic partner. People live separate lives outside of you. They do things without you and they will continue to do so for the rest of their lives.

It takes a lot out of me to admit that I have been where I was because now that I am where I am, I would never want to be that person again. And now, I see that self-control has to be mastered before I can let anyone get close to me. I unerstand my anxiety, my fear of abandonment, and all that I have edured as a kid has instilled so much fear into me that I was projecting onto my partners. I had to realize that everything I fear has happened to me once and I just want to control it to prevent it from happening again. I had to realize that I am the cause of all that happens to me. I had to realize that everything that someone does to me has nothing to do with me and that I can allow things to happen or not. Or better yet, I can control my reaction. A reaction is everything regarding self-control.

What I am saying is that I have stayed quiet and have only voiced what I need to. I don't need to take someone's freedom away, for that is not owed to me like my freedom is not to be taken away by someone else. My business is not for my friends or partners to know all the time, vice versa. I am no longer fixated on what someone might do to me nor do I spend my energy on the things that are out of my control. I have completely let go of the need to control anything but my reactions to things. What happens to me will happen one way or another, that is not something I can control. These are all things you need to consider if you are someone who tries to have any control over your partner.

Self-control is your way out of needing to control your partner.

Cover Image Credit: Yoann Boyer

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