One of the most accurate quotes I've ever heard about the Russian culture is "you're always either sick, about to get sick, or recovering from being sick." What's even remotely Russian about that? The fact that grandma has a remedy and advice for all three.

All cultures have distinct qualifiers that sound almost stereotypical but lack the gross social prejudice aspect of the stereotype, mostly because the stereotype happens to be totally true.

1. Yes, we do put mayo on everything.

On salads, on eggs, and with eggplant. The idea of moderation doesn't exist between the Russian culture and mayonnaise.

2. Pickled everything.

How are we supposed to take a shot of vodka if we don’t have pickles to chase with? Is the restaurant even Russian if there aren’t plates of pickled vegetables across the table?

3. Bread.

When I was little, my grandpa would come home with a loaf of fresh bread and I would grab five slices from the get-go to then sit on the couch and chew my way through the soft middle and the small crust pieces at both ends. That in and of itself should tell you exactly how much Russians value their bread. As the proverb goes: Am I hungry? Give me a piece of bread and I’ll let you know.

4. It’s always cold.

You may think that it is appropriate to leave the house in a t-shirt in 70-degree weather but mama and babushka have different ideas. Mama says it’s cold and if mama is cold then everyone is cold. “Put on a sweater,” babushka says, “you’ll get sick.”

5. Grandma will explain why you are sick.

She told you to put on your sweater and you didn’t and now you’re sneezing and she told you so! It’s all because you walk around naked, it’s not the month of May! Why did you put ice cubes in your water? Wear a hat!

6. Grandma will tell you when you’re full.

You’re not. You’re not full. Don’t be ridiculous. You ate a whole hour ago, your stomach doesn’t even remember it. Have some borscht. Do you want me to warm up some pirozhki? I’ll warm up some pirozhki.

7. “Nu, Tanechka...shto tebe skazat?”

Why ask “how are you” if you Americans don’t want to be told? No, I’m not “good.” No, I will not ask “how are you” in return just to be polite. If you ask, be prepared to hear about my cold and how my son Mishka still hasn’t found himself a girl and how Lera’s daughter, you know – Lera from next door – is marrying that English professor (kakoi uzhas!).