The 7 Things You Should NOT Do During An Argument

the 7 things you should NOT do during an argument

You may make detrimental comments or gestures without even realizing it.

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When I was a freshman in college I took a class called "HDFS 129: Introduction to Human Development and Family Studies." This class was not required for my major, but my friends recommended it and it sounded pretty intriguing, so I enrolled.

Lecture after lecture I found myself enthralled with the subject. The professor, Molly, made this class the most relatable and raw class I have ever taken. If I had to explain it to a stranger, I would say that it helps you understand why you are the way you are, why other people are the way they are, how our upbringings affect us for the rest of our lives and how we can change and control our relationships in the present. By the end of the semester, I had a good grasp on all of these topics and even decided to minor in the field.

But this article isn't a review of the class (although I could rave about it for hours). What I took away from that semester is that this class relates to everyone. And it simply has taught me so much about what to do and what not to do in friendships and relationships. So, I hope to use my voice and writing skills to help others learn about this subject as well.

One of my favorite topics we covered in the class was about how to make a marriage work. Although I am not at all ready for this stage in life, I found it so helpful to understand the do's and don'ts of a relationship, which can really be applied to any relationship at any stage in life. We looked at some famous research studies, which found that communication is vital in healthy relationships, but the style of communicating can actually predict breakups, separation, and divorce.

For example, there are many things you should not do when you're in an argument, whether it be with a friend, a date, a significant other or spouse.

So, now that I've finished rambling, here are 7 things you should NOT do during a disagreement:

1. Criticize.

I remember Molly's emphasis on why you should complain and not criticize.

"Aren't they the same thing?" you may be thinking.

Nope, complaining is healthy as long as you mention what it is that is specifically bothering you. It's OK to express anger or disagreement if there is something you do not like. Criticizing is different in that it offends the other person's character. You don't want to blame your friend or partner, you want to target specific issues.

2. Become defensive.

Defensiveness can be harmful, even if it's unintentional. When you become defensive, you're denying your part in the problem. You're essentially making excuses and redirecting responsibility.

3. Belittle your friend or partner.

No one should feel "stupid" after an argument. If you or your friend use name-calling, tons of sarcasm, or eye-rolls, it's not going to end well.

4. Withdraw from conflict.

This could be your or your partner's physical or mental removal from the situation. It's good to take a break from talking if you or your friend or significant other is agitated. However, constantly avoiding conflict is extremely harmful in the long run.

5. Attempt to quickly mend the relationship.

Sometimes, as much as it sucks, it takes time to mend friendships and relationships. My professor always said, "it's perfectly fine to go to bed mad!" You or your partner may need time to calm down before attempts at fixing the problem are made.

6. Tackle more than one problem at a time.

It's great to face issues head-on, and in order to do so successfully, it's best to focus on one issue at a time. People should show that they genuinely want to work things out, even if that means the problem ends in a compromise.

7. Give advice.

You may want to help your friend or partner, but if the two of you are in a fight, giving advice can make the other person feel belittled. It's better to be empathetic, or sensitive, meaning you put yourself in his or her shoes.

Obviously, I am not an expert in the field of Human Development and Family Studies, but my courses have given me so much vital knowledge. This is the first time I have really written about this class and I hope to talk more in the future about the other topics we have covered.

Cover Image Credit:

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18 Bible Verses That Prove God Would NOT Be 'Pro-Life'

Stop using the Bible as an excuse to take away women's rights.

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"Abortion is WRONG because God (the highest authority) says so! Not because I say so, or "religious" people say so or the government says so...because the CREATOR OF ALL HUMAN LIFE SAYS SO."

This argument is bullshit and I'm sick of hearing it, because it just isn't true. All these Christians claim that the Bible and God says that abortion is wrong, and it's clear they've never read the Bible. Have you ever seen them use a biblical verse to validate their claims? Yeah, me neither. And you know why? BECAUSE THE BIBLE IS NOT PRO-LIFE. They pick and choose vague verses to attempt to back up these ridiculous claims, completely ignoring the damning evidence that the Bible, and therefore God, actually supports child murder, infanticide, and abortion.

Unlike pro-lifers, I'll actually provide some evidence:

1. Numbers 31:17 "Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him"

2. Deuteronomy 2:34 "And we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain"

3. Deuteronomy 28:53 "And thou shalt eat the fruit of thine own body, the flesh of thy sons and of thy daughters, which the Lord thy God hath given thee, in the seige, and in the straitness, wherewith thine enemies shall distress thee"

4. 1 Samuel 15:3 "Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not; but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling, ox and sheep, camel and ass"

5. Isaiah 13:16 "Their children also shall be dashed to pieces before their eyes; their houses shall be spoiled, and their wives ravished"

6. Isaiah 13:18 "Their bows also shall dash the young men to pieces; and they shall have no pity on the fruit of the womb; their eyes shall not spare children"

7. Ezekiel 9:6 "Slay utterly old and young, both maids, and little children, and women: but come not near any man upon whom is the mark; and begin at my sanctuary. Then they began at the ancient men which were before the house"

8. Hosea 9:14 "Give them, O Lord: what wilt thou give? give them a miscarrying womb and dry breasts"

9. Hosea 13:16 "Samaria shall become desolate; for she hath rebelled against her God: they shall fall by the sword: their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with child shall be ripped up"

10. 2 Kings 2:24 "And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the Lord. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them"

11. Psalm 137:9 "Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones"

12. Numbers 5:21 "-here the priest is to put the woman under his curse- "may the Lord cause you to become a curse among your people when he makes your womb miscarry and your abdomen swell"

13. Hosea 9:16 "Ephraim is smitten, their root is dried up, they shall bear no fruit: yea, though they bring forth, yet will I slay even the beloved fruit of their womb"

14. Psalm 135:8 "He it was who struck down the firstborn of Egypt, both of man and of beast;"

15. Psalm 136:10 "-to him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt His love endures forever"

16. 2 Kings 6:28-29 "And the king said unto her, What aileth thee? And she answered, This woman said unto me, Give thy son, that we may eat him to day, and we will eat my son to morrow.So we boiled by son, and did eat him: and I said unto her on the next day, Give thy son, that we may eat him: and she hath hid her son"

17. Leviticus 26:29 "And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat"

18. Jeremiah 11:22 "Therefore thus saith the Lord of hosts, Behold, I will punish them: the young men shall die by the sword; their sons and their daughters shall die by famine:"


Stop using your religion to try and push propoganda that "God says abortion is wrong because it kills innocent children." Clearly your God doesn't care about killing children. There is more than enough proof that the Bible and God are NOT pro-life. Stop acting like you're good Christians upholding the values of God when you clearly haven't picked up the Bible and actually read it. God doesn't agree with your backwards thinking. Maybe try do your research before spewing your religious bullshit to try and take away women's rights.

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4 Reasons Why Men Should Not Be Making Laws About Women's Bodies

Why do men get to decide if women have a choice?

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Everyone is so quick to judge, especially Christians. Going forward, I'd like to make a point. As Tomi Lahren wrote in a Twitter post on May 16, 2019: "You're not God so don't you dare evaluate my faith based on your moral superiority complex." In more words, judging someone is a sin, and each sin is seen as the same in God's eyes. Romans 6:23 says "For the wages of sin is death..."

There is no specification as to which sin wages as the worst, so before you are so quick to judge, remember we are all seen as the same in God's eyes.

1. Men cannot become pregnant

"Men cannot become pregnant." They have no idea what it is like to be pregnant and to co-exist for an entire 9 months.

2. Men say things like... 

"Rape is kinda like the weather. If it's inevitable, relax and enjoy it." — Clayton Williams, TX Rep.

"If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to shut that thing down." — Todd Akin, MO Rep.

"Rape victims should make the best of a bad situation." — Rick Santorum, PA Rep.

"If a woman has the right to abortion, why shouldn't a man be free to use his superior strength to force himself on a woman? At least the rapist's pursuit of sexual freedom doesn't (in most cases) result in anyone's death." - Lawrence Lockman, ME Rep.

3. Men do not get their rights taken away by female politicians 

I'm sure there are things men go through that women couldn't imagine. But we don't judge them about whatever those things may be. Most women are advocates for men and their health. They acknowledge statistics about men, their mental health, and their physical health. We would never want to force men to get (what most of the media is buzzing about) a vasectomy until marriage. That isn't right, and no one would ever consider doing something that radical because ironically enough, it isn't right to tell someone else what to do with their body.

4. Men are men, politicians are politicians, and that doesn't mean they have the appropriate education to make decisions like this 

Some men are rather educated on women and their bodies. On the other hand, there are thousands of men, even men that are in the public eye all the time, that are not educated on women and women's health. They are politicians, they want to win, they want to manipulate, and they will use every single tool that they can to get to the top. Most of the men signing these bills into place have no credibility when it comes to women's health.

At the end of the day, this list could be so long that it would take hours to read. But, it shouldn't have to be. If a man isn't educated and credible enough, he shouldn't be making laws. Women's bodies aren't a playground to see who can go the furthest on the monkey bars. We must put a stop to this. We have to educate our youth. Most of all, we have to put these manipulative politicians in their place.

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