Every time I become accustomed to an environment my brain decides to evaluate my comfort, eventually sending me into what feels like a never-ending existential crisis. My winter quarter at UCLA is no exception. Just as I've finally found comfort academically and socially, my inner-conscious criticizes my every moment- questioning my purpose, my intentions, and my goals.
In some ways it's refreshing- realizing that I'm a small fish in an infinitesimally huge pond with perhaps no purpose in relation to others is liberating. I make my own choices for my own benefit. However, in other ways, it's terrifying; if what I do doesn't matter to others, then why am I going to school for the purpose of helping people? Why am I trying to become a lawyer? Why? Why? Why?
In an effort to empower myself to get over this feeling and get on to the world changer I aspire to be, I've gathered some gifs I thought depicted my ~inner struggle~. Enjoy.
1. Succeeding in somethingGiphy
2. Realizing that your success has very little impact on the world around youGiphy
3. Trying yet again to do something meaningfulGiphy
4. Realizing that, that too only helps a small number of people if any - your feeling of insignificance growsGiphy
5. Questioning why you thought to help people in that way was a good idea, questioning your major, your goals, your purposeGiphy
6. Realizing that what you do truly doesn't matterGiphy
7. Using that realization to empower you to do what you want and be beautifully free in the pursuit of your truest selfGiphy
Truthfully, despite the agonizing questioning of my own identity, my existential crisis this time around has led me to find my inner peace. As long as the pursuit of my freedom doesn't infringe upon anyone else's I'm in the clear and so are you.
So forget the questioning, the pondering your purpose, the endless internal monologue and let Sartre creep into your brain and simply live. No person matters so much that they need delay their own freedom.