Growing up in Central Texas, I never saw a lot of snow. To me, 'winter sports' is another term for playing badminton in the backyard with a hoodie on because the crisp 63-degree January afternoon is a little too cold for me. And because I know nothing about winter sports, the Winter Olympics haven't meant much to me.

So going by no prior knowledge other than what I've accidentally learned through socialization and spectating, here is my description of the top Winter Olympic sports.

1. Biathlon

Derived from the ancient practice of shooting something and running away, the biathlon combines two of mankind's most memorable actions. Implementing characteristics of both fight and flight, the biathlon is a snapshot of the intensity found in human nature.

2. Bobsled

On the other end of the spectrum, we have a group of friends taking a pleasant trip in a chilly land-boat. How this became a competition, I'll never know, as the sport looks more like a Looney Tunes rerun than anything a grown person would do.

3. Skiing

I'm aware that there are a few categories of this one, but I don't know what the other words mean so I'm grouping them all together. This is the one in which they stick poles into the ground to help them move forward--the walking stick method with a twist (The twist is that they aren't walking.).

4. Snowboarding

All that comes to mind when I think of this word is that Target commercial that proudly and musically proclaims, "Shaun White hoodies and denim." If you know what I'm talking about, you'll understand why this sport is dead to me.

5. Figure Skating

Pretty people do pretty things with each other. They fly and jump and sometimes fall but it all looks amazing. If only life were a skating rink. Or, perhaps, it is.

6. Ice Hockey

Contrasting the former, ice hockey brings out the sheer brutality of man, but also the skillful methods we take each other down. The clarity with which we can determine defeat and victory makes this sport basically football. So why not just be football?

7. Curling

God bless this sport. It makes not only my but everyone's world turn. The epitome of all that is and all that is meant to be--all that we can strive to be. Thank you, universe. Thank you, curling. Without curling, where would we be? Where? Where?