It's that time of year again...
For many people, the holidays are a time of joy and celebration, when they can be surrounded by family and loved ones. However, for some, it's a time of pain and struggle. For them, time with family is full of uncomfortable questions and conversations that cause more pain than joy. Sometimes it's just a couple of people, but sometimes it's most, or even all, of the family.
When things get difficult this holiday season, it can be easy to give in to the pain and anxiety and just go along with whatever hurtful things are being said. You could argue, try to explain why you feel the way you do about certain issues, but that gets mentally and emotionally exhausting fast, especially if you've been doing it for years. If you've lost the strength to fight back, or are just really anxious, know that you are not alone, and you don't have to deal with this alone. Whether you're dealing with an overly nosy aunt or a homophobic cousin, here are a few tips to help you get through the holidays without going completely crazy.
1. Bring a book
Seriously, just escaping into your favorite story, even if just for a few pages, can really help. Whether it's Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban or Anna Kendrick's Scrappy Little Nobody, reading about people and characters doing brave things might give you the courage to make it through the disastrous conversations.
2. Escape with music
Last week, I wrote that everyone should have an arsenal of music that makes them happy. This is one of the times when that playlist would be helpful. If you can, escape for a few minutes and listen to one. It'll bring you a bit of joy and strength, even if it's only briefly.
3. Bring a hobby
I bring wire and pliers wherever I go. if things get uncomfortable, I start making shapes with my wire. If I'm focusing on that, I completely miss what's being said around me. Sometimes, it even changes the conversation!
4. Talk to your therapist before
If you're seriously concerned about it, talking to a mental health professional beforehand is important. They can give you advice tailored to you and your experiences, and have literally been trained to deal with situations like this.
5. Have someone who's on your side
It's always helpful to have someone you can go to, even in the most difficult situations. For me, I find my sister anytime the conversations turn to something that is painful to listen to. If you don't have a family member you can go to, try to bring a friend. At the very least, keep in constant contact with someone who is on your side.
6. Give yourself permission to say no
Know that, if it really is difficult and painful to be there, you absolutely do not have to be there. Your happiness and mental health is more important than people who are cruel, whether you're related or not.
Good luck, and stay strong this holiday season. And always remember, you are loved, and you are not alone.