Well, here it is, I'm finally coming clean about something that has been (literally) haunting me for as long as I can remember. I have anxiety and it affects the way that I live my life. I've struggled with it for almost as long as I can remember and a lot of times it goes unnoticed by the people in my everyday life. A lot of my personal relationships suffer because of the way my mind talks to me. As the years have passed, I'm learning to cope with my anxieties and approach them in a sensible manner, but part of that requires letting the people in my life know some major things about how I personally deal with the way that I am.
1. Sometimes, I just need to be alone
If it has been a really long and stressful day at school or at work, the first thing that I want to do when I get home is go straight to my room and sit on the floor. I need the time to recollect my thoughts of the day because truthfully, I'm still processing some of the awkward run-ins I had with people in my 8 am class. I like to just sit by myself and recall the entire day moment by moment before I'm ready to deal with other people.
2. I'm very nervous
I know tons of people who don't really understand this one, but I get nervous about absolutely everything. I get nervous pulling out my ID to get on the bus and standing in line for my favorite ride that I just got off of less than five minutes ago. Deep deep down, I know that nothing is wrong, but my shaking hands and wobbling legs find it very very hard to believe.
3. I'm an overthinker
Truth be told, that one conversation we had 3 years ago where you made that joke about how my fly was unzipped, still haunts me every time I see you. You might have forgotten what you had for breakfast but I remember (sometimes verbatim) conversations that I've had with people, even if they mean absolutely nothing.
4. I get angry
This one a lot of people know, but I'm easily angered and frustrated. Most of the time it's my anxiety taking over my thoughts and I'm angry at myself for letting it get to me. I just need you to understand that me being mad at you, is most likely me being mad at myself for being mad in the first place.
5. I value relationships
Because I find it really difficult to develop relationships with people, essentially because of my fear, I value the relationships that I have with people. It takes me a long time to open up about who I am and the things that my mind tells me.
6. I'm just me
Most importantly, I've been dealing with this for so many years of my life that I've been able to become more vocal about the thoughts that eat my brain. This is something that I deal with on a day to day basis, and I just want you to be aware. Don't treat me differently because all of a sudden you think I'm fragile and weird. I'm just me and that has never changed.