So, your bestie asks you to go get coffee with her. You’re just chilling in the shop when, out of nowhere it seems, she tells you she’s a lesbian, or she’s gay, or queer. Whatever the wording, the meaning is clear: she likes girls.

Whether you’re shocked or not, you’re probably a little speechless. After all, it’s not every day a friend tells you something like that. And while you may think you know just how to handle this situation, straight girls have proven time and again that they don’t.

Really, if you’re close enough that your bestie is telling you she likes girls, then you’re probably close enough to recover from any coming-out faux pas that may occur. But here are six things to avoid saying right off the bat.

1. “But you had a boyfriend!”

Some people are lucky enough to know who they are and who they like from early childhood. And some people are lucky enough to live in communities that were perfectly a-okay with a girl dating girls. However, we aren’t all so lucky. Lots of us might not even have feelings for girls until later on, or might have boyfriends simply because everyone else is doing it and it seems like what we’re supposed to be doing. Or we might be bi.

Whatever the case, previous partners are not the set-in-stone evidence of sexual orientation that some people seem to think. Don’t act like it is.

2. “You don’t act like a lesbian”

Alternately, “You act like a lesbian.”

Sexual orientation has absolutely nothing to do with behaviors outside of sex and dating. Yes, there are some stereotypes. Yes, there are girls who fit these stereotypes. There are even girls who fully embrace these stereotypes. Personally, I’m a fan of the flannel-and-jeans look. But so is just about every other girl where I live, and trust me, they aren’t all queer. The same applies to “girly” girls, athletes, professional types, and all other girls. You don’t have to wear plaid shirts to be a girl who likes girls. You just have to like girls.

3. “I’ve always wanted a lesbian friend!”

Lesbians, like gay men, are people. They are not trendy accessories for you to surround yourself with in order to show everyone else how hip and cool you are, or so that you can convince yourself that you’re a good ally, or whatever it is straight people are trying to accomplish by collecting tokens of queerness. It’s awesome that you still want your friend around, but maybe try not to sound so patronizing about it.

4. “I don’t like you like that.”

Good to know, but “I like girls” doesn’t mean “I like you.” Unless your bestie immediately follows up with asking you to go on a date, you can probably assume she isn’t interested in you, either. Don’t be one of those girls who automatically assumes every lesbian wants to date you. Frankly, it’s obnoxious. Besides, one of your best friends just told you something that is probably utterly nerve-wracking and very hard for her. Do you really think the best move is to make it about you?

5. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”

Remember that thing I said two seconds ago about not making your friend’s coming-out about you? Surprisingly, that’s still important. Coming out can be disastrous for some people, so don’t be surprised, or hurt, that she didn’t tell you before. Instead, realize how difficult this must be for her, and how much she must trust you to be willing to share this with you.

6. “Who cares?”

Maybe you don’t care. Maybe, having grown up in a liberal community and having amassed your circle of totally diverse, totally PC, totally queer friends, you don’t really see why anyone needs to come out anymore. It’s 2017, same-sex marriage is more or less legal, and even straight people go to Pride celebrations. It’s whatever at this point, right?

Unfortunately, not all of us grow up completely comfortable and accepted. All around the world, being a girl who likes girls can still be uncomfortable and sometimes dangerous. In some places, we’re celebrated. In others, even here in the U.S., we’re ignored, invalidated, ridiculed, abused, and threatened. Never assume we’ve come so far that coming out is “whatever.”

So, how should you react when your bestie tells you she likes girls? Listen, ask questions if you’re unsure about something, and be there for her. It’s what friends do.