Humans are stupid creatures. It still boggles my mind that we ever made it to the moon (and that there are people who vehemently assert that we never did). And yeah, maybe we occasionally manage to do something clever or great like eradicate disease or invent cheesecake. But that hasn't stopped us from coming up with all sorts of nonsense in the process. Nonsense Of The Week: supposedly "wise" phrases that are actually lies.
1. The World Doesn’t Revolve Around You
This one, I admit, is literally true. And in the grand scheme of things, it’s figuratively true as well. You aren’t the only person in the world who exists, and you aren’t the only one that matters. But of course, the same can be said for every single other person on this planet. Yes, it’s nice to keep other people in mind when you do things.
Being aware of how your actions affect others is an important part of empathy. But let’s be honest: you’re not living to make other people happy. Or at least, you shouldn’t be. You should be living for yourself, and that means being selfish. Not all the time, but definitely most of the time. Because I guarantee, that’s what everyone else is doing. The world might not literally revolve around you, but your world’s first priority should always be yourself.
2. What Goes Around, Comes Around
Look, if you live your whole life thinking the universe somehow naturally works things out so that good and bad gets around to the people who deserve them, you’re probably a lot happier than I am. Be honest with yourself: do you really think the world is so perfect? Of course it isn’t. We like to pretend that karma or justice or whatever will make things right in the end, but the fact is that we’re all at the mercy of the wheel of fortune, and subject to its whims and turns. People don’t get their due. They just get a random assortment of good and bad luck.
3. Good Things Come To Those Who Wait
See also: Patience Is A Virtue. The thing is, waiting around for things to go your way almost never actually works. First, as already established, life is a random combination of good and bad luck (whether that luck be caused by the whims of the universe or the whims of politicians). More importantly, you could die waiting around for anything. Recently I’ve noticed that, despite the “millennials are lazy!” claims of older generations, people of all ages really just don’t seem to want to do anything, even if it’s their job to do it.
More often than not, the only way to get someone to do something is not to sit around patiently for them to do it. It’s to call them, on their personal phone, at all hours of the day, until they do what you ask just to make you leave them alone. Because good things don’t come to those who wait. Good things come to those who demand action.
4. Money Can’t Buy Happiness
What world are you living in if you actually believe this? The only people who ever say this are people who actually have money. Yes, you can still be sad and unfulfilled and even depressed regardless of your financial situation. But it is a lot easier to dig yourself out of that pit when you have resources available. Try being happy without the money to pay for school, travel, or the meds that make your brain work more or less properly. Happiness is a lot easier to come by when you have the means to pursue it.
5. Blood Is Thicker Than Water
Again: taken literally, this one is true. But no one means it literally. What they mean is: “Your family is more important than anyone.” Which is messed up on a whole number of levels. First, do adopted and stepfamily members count, or is it really only limited to people you share blood with?
More importantly, tell me again why I should care more about people just because we happen to share blood? Most of my family is great, but there are definitely a few who I wouldn’t choose to interact with if I didn’t have to, and I doubt I’m the only one who has formed stronger bonds with friends than with some family members.
6. Easy As Pie
Okay, this one is just a personal pet peeve of mine. But come on! Have you ever made a pie? Have you ever spent multiple minutes crouched down, staring into your oven, making sure the crust turned just the right shade of golden brown without overcooking? Pie is not easy. Pie is science, hard work, and determination, and I’m insulted that you would suggest otherwise.