I was standing in the shower on the fourth day after getting my wisdom teeth removed, heavily medicated, and just finished watching 500 Days of Summer. I can tell you that it was not my best moment. In fact, it was not my best day, or week at that. When you watch a movie like that wrapped up in two blankets on a summer day in Georgia, eating light peach yogurt and crying, you begin to question many aspects of your life. Once I began to question, I began to find answers in the movie. The first question I answered was, Am I a Tom or am I a Summer? With out a doubt in a split second I answered out loud, Damn. I'm painfully a Tom. On that note, here are five things I learned about myself through the movie, pain medication and hot showers.
I am a hopeless, helpless, sickening romantic.
I am to the point that anything I do is subconsciously driven by the possibility of finding "the one." Well in reality, since I'm only 21, I'd settle for just someone. It's kind of like this:
Me: Let's go hiking!
Subconscious me: Maybe I'll find a poetic hiker on the top!
Me: Let's go to Starbucks!
Subconscious me: Maybe someone will fall in love with me while I'm reading!
Me: Let's go to a social event at church!
subconscious me: Maybe I'll find the perfect guy during adoration!
You get the idea. I manage to create scenarios and scripts while I'm on my way to my destination; scenarios and scripts that never pan out the way they're supposed to by the way.
I am an overthinker
I literally thought myself miserable. Turns out binge watching Dexter and How I Met Your Mother with a side of independent romantic movies doesn't can lead to questioning who you are, what your purpose is, and what you're doing to get there. In fact, Dexter will make you question your sanity, especially with that ending. I mean really, WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! And shows like How I Met Your Mother, The Office, Friends, Parks and Rec, all these shows involve love interests and romantic affairs. It makes it so difficult to think of something else when all my Netflix time is just making me feel like there is someone out there waiting for me to find them. UGH.
I should go on more dates
It's hard! I have three jobs, I'm a full-time student, I volunteer, and sometimes I have time for my friends. How am I supposed to make time to get to know someone new? I don't have the time or the energy, and honestly, even if I did dating is so much effort to put into someone that may or may not last more than a month. Dating is just so much effort, and time, and cute outfits that I could save for a better occasion. Besides that, the anxiety before a date is the WORST. I always feel sick before leaving and when I get there and when I go back home. Maybe some of us were just born to be single. BUT HOW CAN I BE SINGLE IF I CAN SPOT A CUTE GUY FROM TWO MILES AWAY! Like right now, at the park, one of the staff members is changing the trash bags. Wow, he is really cute. *Pauses from typing to daydream a scenario*
I am strong, I am independent, I need to stay busy
I love having time to myself because I'm pretty awesome. However, too much time leads to overthinking, which leads to me watching 500 Days of Summer, and that will lead to me relating too much to Tom, making me think of my destiny and trying to create it myself and making a mess. I think I need another job...
Life isn't a movie, it's not a tv series either. Life is life, and sometimes it is absolutely wonderful, like the first few weeks Tom spent with Summer. Other days feel like day Tom spotted Summer's engagement ring. Yeah, like that. And you know what? It's alright that life is so crazy, I say that now that I can drive and continue living my busy life of course. If you're feeling down try something new! Go on a hiking adventure! Call a friend and get wings! Buy a book at a library! Get some coffee! Cause at the end of the day, we only have this one life, and we have to start living it.
P.S. The cute guy at the park didn't even notice me, but that's okay.