For reasons I cannot and will not ever understand, given my horrendous romantic track record, my friends love to lament to me about their boy problems. They text me and air their grievances about his inability to text back. They call me and cry about the suspicious Snapchat he posted. They tell me they’re missing their “bae” and I think the only thing that’s missing is your sense if you are seriously using terminology like “bae.” They come to me with these issues despite the fact that I have had one serious relationship in college, and that ended quite some time ago. I don’t even have “things” with them. Boys do not flock to me. They barely even notice I’m there until they nearly run over me with their God-forsaken Penny board.
In recent times, however, the lamenting has only gotten worse. As if it wasn’t bad enough to constantly remind me of my single status, my dear girlfriends have decided to amp it up by introducing the fact that many of them are now in a long distance relationship. I, too, am engaged in a long distance relationship of sorts. In fact, my relationship is so long distance that my beloved is in another universe. He doesn’t exist.
In all seriousness, I did the whole summer long distance thing for a grand total of approximately six weeks last summer. It didn’t end well, as is evident by my single state. I can’t even say it was the whole 3,000-miles-apart concept that led to our demise; it really was never meant to work out between us. The distance, however, didn’t help. It was my first serious relationship and I spent practically every minute we weren’t talking worrying about whether or not he was off with some other girl. I couldn’t ever read his emotions over text, and we were a couple that thrived off of quality time. I was so paranoid about the status of our relationship that I couldn’t enjoy half of my summer. It ended up, however, that the distance wasn’t the problem. It was us. We were never meant to last, let alone in a long distance setting.
Don’t let this discourage you, dear reader, if you are currently engaged in a summer LDR. Look, chances are if he agreed to do the whole long distance thing for the summer, he’s some level of committed to you. They’re not easy, though, no matter how long you’ve been together or what kind of relationship you have or who you are. My own failed relationship coupled with listening to my girlfriend’s long distance woes has taught me a surprising amount. While sure, it would’ve been helpful to have this knowledge way back when I was actually in a relationship, it’s worth sharing now. Here are some tips on navigating a summer LDR:
Realize four months is a long time.
Consider this: that’s 16 weeks. One hundred and twelve days. Two thousands, six hundred and eighty-eight hours. I realize I sound like a psycho, doing that math, but it’s important to understand the length of time associated with doing long distance for the summer. For most, long distance is the only option they have to keep a special relationship going and I have mad respect for that. It’s important, however, to keep in mind the length of time you’ll be apart. It’s not just a blip on the radar; it’s a good chunk of the year.
Communicate some way other than text.
Phone calls are a lost art. With texting, conversations can quickly become impersonal and you can find yourself questioning what someone meant because of their use of an emoji that you interpret differently than they do. Talking on the phone with someone allows you to hear their voice and their tone and just lose yourself in their syllables makes a conversation so much better than just over text. If even phone calls seem to be losing their spark, try writing letters. Yes, it’s a lot of effort to write the letter and put it in the envelope and find the stamp and bring it out to the mailbox, but that effort won’t go unnoticed. It’s an incredibly thoughtful, loving gesture and it can almost be like sending a little piece of yourself to them, no matter how many miles in between.
Plan a halfway trip.
Remember when Pam was living in New York at art school and Jim was still in Scranton and they agreed to meet halfway and Jim proposed at the gas station in the rain? Top 10 romantic scenes in television. Honestly, I’m getting weepy thinking about it. But regardless of my nonsensical emotions, a halfway trip isn’t the worst idea. Find a point halfway and agree to spend a weekend in some place you’ve never been before. Depending on where you are, it could be some seedy motel in Montana, but it’s an adventure. Embrace that idea and you’ll have the time of your lives.
Send gifts.
It could be as small as a picture of the two of you or as a large as a human-sized teddy bear, but whatever it is, gifts are the ultimate way to remind someone that you’re there and you care. Getting a package is low-key like Christmas. Imagine coming off a long day of work and dreading home to your messy little apartment that desperately needs a mop and a laundry cycle. On your way in, you go to collect the mail and see not only the requisite pile of pills and that useless magazine subscription your Aunt Linda got you years ago, but a package as well. The other day, my mom sent me dry scalp repair shampoo from Amazon and even that package got me excited. Imagine how thrilled you’d be if your boo decided to send you something sweet.
Make the reunion worth the wait.
Whenever you do finally see each other after weeks and months of waiting, make it worth it. Run and jump into their arms. Kiss them silly. Squeeze them until you think your arms might give out. Do whatever you want to do when you see them, because no matter how long it’s been, time without someone you love sucks and when you finally see them, it should be well worth the time apart. Make it a moment to remember and you’ll forget about the time apart.