I've always struggled with showing myself compassion, especially during the deepest pits of fighting my mental health disorders. Since being in treatment for my eating disorder, I've been lucky enough to learn some skills for coping and growing; one of the skills that has probably helped me the most would be showing myself a bit more compassion.
I've learned throughout my journey that giving myself some compassion is just important as, say, eating, in my case. Self-compassion is just another stepping stone on my road to recovery, and, without it, I will not make it very far. Here are some ways that help me to show myself some compassion during tough times.
1. "I forgive myself for..."
Say this to yourself. Even when you don't feel like you deserve to be forgiven (even though you likely do). I really struggle to give myself compassion, but one of the ways I'm learning how to combat that is by stating this phrase to myself over and over, even if I don't believe it at first. Personally I believe in God, and the God I know forgives me and many others every single day. So why shouldn't I do the same? Practicing self compassion also allows me to better extend compassion towards others when they make mistakes or hurt me.
2. Imagine your friend is in the same situation
If your friend was feeling the same way you were or was saying to themselves what you were saying to yourself, how might you respond? Imagine your feelings and/or situation on a friend. How would you treat them? Try to take what you would've said to your friend and say it to yourself. There's no rule saying you cannot be your own friend; after all there's nothing wrong with that!
3. Reading through your old journals
One thing that has really helped me extend compassion to myself is reading through my old journals. I documented almost everything, from the time that my eating disorder started to really take a hold of me, to when I was in the crisis center. I have slowly started reading through them again, and, man, I've truly begun to realize not only how sick I was, but how difficult it was for me to function on a daily basis. Reading through my journals made me realize how difficult my fight was and acknowledge how far I have come. Seeing where I've been in comparison to where I am now makes me very proud of myself. However, I would suggest that if you have just recently gotten through a difficult time or a crisis that you wait a while (i.e., until you settle back into a safe and healthy routine) before reading through your journals.
4. Take time to explore your journey
This step goes hand in hand with reading through your journals. Again, I would recommend being in a stable mental position before exploring a very difficult or triggering part of your journey. I have also begun to slowly walk through my mental health crisis, or at least the parts of it that I can remember, and it has been tremendously helpful. It not only allows me to recognize that I do not want to go back to how I was, but retracing the steps of my journey helps me to extend more compassion towards myself. I am now able to recognize, from a healthy standpoint, how much I went through and how difficult my battle truly was.
5. Remember, "All fall short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23)
To me, this verse speaks nothing but of comfort. Although it may sound harsh isolated, I invite you to read Romans 3:1-26. These verses will give you you a better understanding of where this verse comes from--a place of love and acceptance rather than a place of judgement. Basically, in this chapter, Paul is writing to the Romans that God loves us so much that He gave his only Son to us, even though he knew that every single one of us would not be perfect. He chose and still chooses to love us despite our imperfections. To me, this verse is a reminder that literally no one is perfect, but we are all still loved anyways.
One of the most helpful things for me on my journey of recovery and of learning how to give myself compassion is surrounding myself with those who love me, forgive me and show me endless compassion. My friends and family members show me endless love and support. Through their compassion towards me, I have begun to learn how to extend that compassion to myself.
I am slowly but surely learning how to love myself again, and I have to keep trying every single day. Sometimes, we don't always have people to walk through our journeys with us, and that is why it is so important to practice loving yourself. Whether you have experienced a crisis, struggle with mental health or are simply having a tough season of your life, you deserve to be treated with compassion and love, especially from yourself.