The world can be a cruel, cruel place. In fact, I'd even go so far as to say that it's a big fat meanie head. (P.S. fat is meant to describe the degree to which the world is mean, not body shame it). Now, I'm not saying things are all bad, but there are definitely times when it seems like everything is going against you. I've decided to compile a list of these times as well as the most effective ways to combat them so we can stop dealing with silly adversity and get back to smile town.

1. Your Significant Other is Mad at You

The situation:

Maybe it was something you did. More likely you're not at all responsible and your significant other is just nuts! LOL men/women/whoever-you're-into, am I right? Although we'll never know what causes our significant others to get angry we do know one thing: it can be scary! When a stranger is angry at you, you never have to see them again, but your significant other is someone you see all the time. This means you'll have to actually deal with whatever is going on in your relationship, unless you...

How to handle it:

Break up with them! Let's face it, conflict is scary, and if your S/O is mad at you they clearly don't even care about who you are. If they don't love you at your worst, they sure as hell don't deserve you at your best. In fact, now that I think of it, it's their fault they're mad at you because they just don't understand what an amazing person you are. That's why when you hear "we have to talk" you text them back saying "no we don't, it's over!" Problem. Solved.

2. Your Job Stifles Your Creativity

The situation:

There's one thing people in the business world never seem to understand: You are special. Yes, you, specifically. Thanks for taking time out of being special to read this. You're not a black sheep because that's still a sheep and you ain't no sheep. No, you are more unique than any snowflake that ever fell from the sky, and you deserve to be treated differently than everyone else. Unfortunately, your bosses never seem to see this. Like your teachers before them who had the gall to ask you to do assignments like any average Joe, your bosses treat you just like all your other co-workers. It's an outrage, and you can't stand for it, but you're not sure what to do.

How to handle it:

Quit your job, and don't get a new one. Let's face it, no matter what your job is your boss is always going to be more concerned about what you have to offer than who you are and that's not fair. How dare they hold you to the same standards as the others? How dare they expect you to show up on time? And honestly, how dare they think quarterly reports are more important than the kick ass rock opera you're writing? They don't deserve you, and no company ever will. That's why you should just not work. I mean think about it, as of March 2016, U.S. unemployment is 5 percent. That's a little over 16 million people. That means if not having a job was a Twitter profile, it would have more than 16 million followers. How can something with that many people involved be a bad thing?

3. Your Friend Said Something You Disagree With

The situation:

Just like when Boba Fett pulled his blaster on the crew of the Millennium Falcon in the Star Wars Holiday Special, a friend disagreeing with you fills you with a deep sense of betrayal. Friends are there for a reason, they're supposed to share every single belief that you have so that you are basically the same person, because who doesn't like hanging out with themselves? But we've all been there when a presumptuous friend thinks they can point out one of our flaws or say our taste in music sucks. So what is there to do? Because unlike when Boba Fett pulled his blaster on the crew of the Millenium Falcon in the Star Wars Holiday Special, you can't just laugh it off and fly into space for more adventures. That's where the fiction part of science fiction comes into play.

How to handle it:

Stop being friends with them and never see them again. Let's be honest, if a friend has a difference in opinion, what good are they as your friend? We have a word for people who disagree with us, and it's called an enemy. Nobody wants enemies hanging around them. I don't use this word lightly but fudge them. Fudge them right in the mouth.

4. The Person You Matched With Isn't Responding

The situation:

You've got a match! Now we all know how rare this is, right? Right? Right, guys? Yeah, you agree. So you've finally got a match on a dating app—sure you took group pictures with models and hid in the back, but you were in the picture too so that's not lying. Now comes the exciting part, actually talking to the person. You're pumped, you're ready to go, but wait! They won't respond to your first message. Or your second, or third. What's going on? They matched you, that's like a binding legal contract saying they want to spend the rest of their life with you, so what's the deal? How can you get them to respond?

How to handle it:

Send them pictures of your genitals. Let's face it, if they're not responding they're definitely just playing hard to get. A lot of people like playing hard to get. Like really hard. Pepper spray hard. Now what someone is waiting for in this situation is for you to let them know that their effort has worked and they have officially won you over. But you can't just say that—actions speak louder than words. So what you have to do is send them a picture of your genitals, this is really just the most effective way of saying, "Good job pretending you don't like me, here is your prize."

5. The Person You Voted For Probably Isn't Getting the Nomination

The situation:

You're young, this is your first or second election season, and it finally happened. An old, frizzy-haired Jewish messiah came along to grant all of your wishes. He was perfect in every way. Who was this political Super Jesus? None other than Bernie Sanders himself. Finally, you felt like things were going to get better, and you could forget about the first four items on this list. But then something unspeakable happened, Bernie Sanders started losing. In all likelihood, the champion of college students, celebrities, and tiny birds, will not be getting the Democratic nomination, and you want to know what you can do to help this situation. The answer is simple.

How to handle it:

Don't vote! Just don't do it. When the general election rolls around and we have to pick between a racist carrot and an intelligent and highly qualified woman the answer is simple. Just stay at home. Show the whole country your contempt for the democratic process because the person you wanted to win didn't. That's not what a democracy is all about! We should get who we want even though most people didn't also want that person! I truly believe if Bernie supporters stay home for the general election the country will realize their mistake and just decide to let him be president. I stand by that statement 100 percent. I believe it makes exactly as much logical sense as every other solution on this list.