With the transition to college comes lots of changes and adversity. One of the hardest things I’ve had to realize over the past year is that these challenges are extremely important to my own personal growth. More importantly, how I react and respond to these challenges define who I am. That being said, here are five things I have learned over the past year.

1. Vulnerability is the key to successful relationships.

Everyone has had their fair share of love and heartbreak, both in friendships and in relationships. For me, it has always been easier to shut myself off than to allow myself to be vulnerable with another person. However, once you get past the fear of rejection or pain and cancel out cynical thoughts, you start to invite amazing people and opportunities into your life. This is something I have been working on for a while now, and I have begun to understand that it may take a while for me to fully immerse myself in the possibility of being open in all my relationships. Accepting that I am a work in progress has been one of my most important realizations.

2. It’s okay to mess up.

Mistakes: you’ll make a lot of them. I know I have. From the small things like missed assignments, to the big things like breaks in trust with friends or family, mistakes are going to be a part of your life no matter what. For me, it is important to remind myself that mistakes are always going to be normal, and I will continue to grow from them (often times in ways I won’t know about until later!). They are an integral part of becoming who you will be in the future, as well as define how you’ve changed from your past.

3. It’s okay to be uncomfortable.

There will come a time in your first year of college where you will be uncomfortable. Whether it’s your first real party and you don’t know anyone there, or it’s the first day of classes and you are scared to raise your hand, there is no getting around the fact that you will be uncomfortable. It’s okay, you will survive. Being uncomfortable was my worst nemesis for a long time. I was constantly trying to take the easy or more comfortable route, but once I started to see that I was growing from these moments, I changed my outlook. Instead of fearing being uncomfortable, I embraced it and allowed myself to change because of it.

4. Regret is a useless emotion.

Regret is a useless emotion. The mistakes and experiences you have will only teach you what you wouldn’t have known otherwise. They are lessons you will carry with you for your whole life, so why regret that test you didn’t study hard enough for, or that fight you had with your friend? There is beauty and grace in understanding your experiences (whether good or bad!) and moving on from them. I am always trying to remind myself to look towards the future and how I can move forward rather than wondering how I can change the past. Understanding this was difficult, but it helped me to live in the moment and enjoy all of my experiences.

5. It’s okay to not be okay.

There will be many moments where you will feel overwhelmed. You may end up feeling sad, or angry, or confused. The only way to understand and conquer these emotions is if you allow yourself to feel them. Learning how to do this in a constructive way was one of the most difficult challenges I had to overcome. When I started my freshman year, I was overcome with too many emotions to name. A new state, city, and routine caused me to live in a constant state of fear and confusion. It’s hard not to give in to these kinds of emotions, especially if they begin to run your life (like they did mine). At this point, as I looked around and saw that everyone around me was having the time of their lives, I tried to hide my emotions and pretend that I was having as much fun as they were. But after talking to my friends, I realized that they were just as scared and confused as I was. This is when I figured out that my emotions are always validated. It was okay to be scared. The second I allowed myself to feel these emotions was the second they stopped consuming me, and I haven’t turned back since.

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” –John 1:5