For as long as I can remember I have suffered from anxiety. It feels like this looming, dark, tall figure always following you but you cannot shake it off. Anxiety is worrying if the door is a ‘push’ or ‘pull’ so you don’t embarrass yourself if you mix them up. Anxiety is thinking that people in a crowd are talking about you behind your back; their whispers are all negative things about how you look or even smell. It can’t be helped, and dating a girl with anxiety is even harder to imagine. Trust me, I’m a girl with anxiety, and I would know.

1. If you have to reassure her 100 times, do it 100 more times.

Yes, if she has asked you if you still like her after a year of dating, please reassure her. It scares her to lose you, and she doesn’t want you to think differently of her. IF she asks if she’s weird, reassure her that she’s not. If she asks if you REALLY want that restaurant for dinner… Dude, just be honest.

2. Making decisions is impossible.

Back to the restaurant thing, yes, please be honest. People with anxiety are EXTREMELY indecisive. My boyfriend helps me pick out my outfit and tells me how great it looks so I don’t put on 10 different things (then I’ll notice I’m 15 minutes late to class). Helping with decisions will not only make your relationship grow, but it’ll help her not feel as stressed about every decision and “what if?” running through her mind.

3. The little things mean a lot.

I may be speaking personally, but the little notes and small things of flowers from Walmart are my favorite things. I love the nights where there is no homework and he asks if I want to just stay in and watch a movie, or read creepypasta.com because he knows I love scary stories.

The little things reassure me that he loves me. That sounds selfish, and it’s not that I doubt it. I feel scared that something bad will happen (like we break up or someone falls off a building), and I feel this almost 24/7, so the little things that happen during the day make that feeling of stress numb itself to where I’m actually smiling and happy.

4. Being around others is really hard.

Even if it’s family, I still feel weird when it comes to seeing people I’m not super close with. When I visit my boyfriend’s house, I hate it when he’s not near me because I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to act and I feel like I’m making a fool of myself by just sitting there.That’s when the panic sets in.

When it comes to new people, panic attacks are easily spurred on and make it hard to communicate with others. Maybe they think I’m weird….maybe they think I’m too quiet…what if I’m too annoying when I talk? Will they still like me? These are questions that run through my head on a daily basis, even when it comes to meeting or talking to my boyfriend’s friends. But I’ve learned that explaining these feelings to my boyfriend help the situation because he is aware and can help the best he can when this happens.

5. Please, just listen.

Feelings are hard; they cannot always be explained or understood. Sometimes trying to understanding why you have a certain feeling is impossible because they just come. But before you date that girl with anxiety, just listen to her. Listen to her feelings, and I know you might get a little annoyed, but still listen. Help her, show her that you’re there when she thinks she is completely alone. Try and understand her feelings while still attempting to make anxiety situations better.

Anxiety is sticky; it’s not fun. Listening is the best advice I could give anyone because it takes away the feeling of not being understood. Listening takes away from feeling alone, and when other people try to understand my feelings, I seem to understand them more too.

Anxiety’s like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far.
- Jodi Picoult