Being away at college and getting sick can be the absolute worst. You’re young, vulnerable, and poor. You don’t have your mom to call you in sick and tend to you while you rest in bed all day. You’re completely on your own and you have no idea how to take care of yourself. Don't worry, you're not alone. You may be feeling scared and confused, but allow me to explain the process in a way that is easily understandable. You know the 5 Stages of Acceptance? These are similar, but with a lot more mucus and fevers.
1. Denial
“It’s just a tickle in my throat, nothing serious!” “It’s only sniffles, they’ll go away on their own.” “Everyone spends all day sweating and delusional sometimes, no big deal.” You’re not sick, you crazy invalid! Whatever it is, it doesn’t mean anything and will go away on its own. Just continue living in your bubble of blissful ignorance.
2. Panic
“I’ve had this cough for a few days now, why won’t it go away?” “These sniffles might be turning into a head cold.” “I’ve been sweaty and delusional all week… what day is it?” Don’t panic, but you might be getting sick. Okay, panic, because you absolutely CANNOT be sick right now! You have work in the morning, class all day, an exam to study for, a lab due, an essay to write, and Tina’s birthday party! This isn’t really happening, is it?!
*Bonus*
Call your mom in a sweaty, terrified panic. She’ll tell you what’s wrong and what you need to do and you won’t do any of it because you’re absolutely helpless without her physically there to treat you.
Check WebMd in a sweaty, terrified panic. Yep, you have Ebola. Sorry.
3. Bargaining
You would do literally anything not to be sick right now. You’re not religious, but after your 7th trip to the bathroom today you’ll be praying to whoever will listen. You read somewhere that a broth of bark, chicken bone, and black licorice root is a miracle cure and you don’t care how much it looks and smells like a stagnant pothole full of street water, you’re going to down it! $15 for Nyquil? Well you might not eat for a week, but you know when to sacrifice for quality medicine.
4. Misery and Malaise
Truly, no one has ever suffered the way you suffer now. You can’t breathe through your nose, your joints ache, and the toilet is your new best friend. “Why do bad things happen to good people?” You sob to yourself as you finish another sleeve of Saltines, the ultimate cracker of the sick. You see no end in sight, as each day is worse than the last.
*Bonus*
Look at you, you trooper! You’re going to ‘Tough it out’ and you won’t let your failing, diseased body keep you from doing what you need to do. You’ll go to work miserable, go to class miserable, and go to Tina’s birthday miserable. Everyone knows you’re sick, they see it in your lifeless eyes, but you also make sure to tell everyone “Yeah I’m so sick but I’m just going to work through it” because bedrest is overrated.
5.Recovery
It starts slowly, but you feel yourself getting healthier. You sleep better, have more energy, and don’t need to blow your nose every few seconds. Soon, the sickness has passed and you are as fresh as a spring chicken before the slaughter. You take everything you’ve learned from this whole experience and toss it away, far away, where it will be of no use to you when you eventually fall sick again. It is a vicious cycle, and you just never learn. Enjoy breathing through both nostrils while you can!