One of the best things that has ever happened to me is getting the chance to love someone with a mental illness. Without that opportunity, I would not be half the person I am today. I am who I am because of my loved one. The journey with them has not been easy. I have cried, screamed, and broke down many times. But each time, I remember all that I have learned. I have learned patience, understanding, and forgiveness. It has been a bumpy road and will continue to be in the future but it is well worth it.

1. It is not a choice.

Living with a mental illness is never a choice. Mental illness is a medical diagnosis caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Life with mental illness is incredibly challenging, and is not something anyone wishes for. Often people will say individuals claim to suffer from mental illness, especially depression, because they want the attention. However, it is important to recognize that feelings are feelings. If a person feels depressed, they are. It is not up to society to determine how low someone must feel in order to be depressed.

2. There are good days, and there are bad days.

On a day-to-day basis, everyone has different moods. For your loved one these moods are often intensified. It is not uncommon for them to be happy and upbeat one day and then not be able to leave their bed the next. It is important to understand your loved ones moods so you can better communicate with them. On a bad day, it might be best to keep your distance so nothing regrettable is said or done. But on the good days, embrace it! Go on their impulsive road trip and just enjoy your time with them.

3. Research, research, and research some more.

I cannot begin to explain how crucial it is to be knowledgeable about your loved one's diagnosis. The best way to help someone, is to understand them. With that being said, every person is different. There may be an article showing 20 symptoms, and your loved one only has two of them. This does not mean they were misdiagnosed, it simply means they are not the exact person the author is writing about. So go and do your research, but always be mindful of your loved one's individuality.

4. Sticks and stones may break their bones, but words will break their spirit.

When someone says something hurtful to you, it stings. You may get upset and maybe argue back, but in the end it doesn't usually keep you up at night. For someone who suffers from a mental illness, words are often more painful than physical abuse. An argument had three days ago could still be keeping them up each night, analyzing what was said and twisting it into something worse. It is so common for people with mental disorders to focus on any and all of their flaws, so when someone else mentions these little flaws, it is enough often to send them into a downward spiral. This is not to say you will never lose your temper and say something rude in retaliation to your loved one. This is more of a reminder to be cautious with your words and not add fuel to an already blazing fire.

5. It is OK to take a step back.

Loving someone who lives with a mental illness is difficult. It takes a toll on you physically and mentally. Sometimes, you just need to step back. There is a point when your loved one needs to be held accountable for their actions and that's okay. Sometimes cleaning up the pieces for them every time something destructive happens does more harm than good. So it is understandable to step back. Recognizing that you need to take care of yourself primarily does not make you a bad person. It does not mean you're weak and it does not mean you don't love them. It means you have the strength to recognize two things. One, you are potentially encouraging your loved one's destructive habits, and two, you are no help to anyone if you are physical and mentally drained.