Well,Fall Rush is right around the corner, and so the flurry of awkward handshakes and small talk begins. Rush is talked about like it’s the Sorting Hats from Harry Potter plus a ton of beer and girls. In reality, rush is really just a lot of seeing how little time you can spend at events and still get your free food (that you paid for in your dues) and sign in so you don’t get fined, and a very heavy overuse of the term “Man-Flirting.”
My personal favorite part of rush is some of the characters you’ll meet during open rush events. These may or may not be based on true events.
The Try-Hard
This kid will be a walking, talking, TFM. Hell, he’ll probably even say “TFM” at some point during your conversation. He’ll come strolling in with some sweet Chubbies, a Hawaiian Shirt, brand new Sperry’s, and a can of Skoal Xtra Mint pouches in his front shirt pocket. He’ll walk in like we were begging for him to come and ask the nearest brother “What tier are ya’ll?” in a fake southern accent. And he’ll polish off the visit with everyone’s favorite question “So when will we know we got a bid?”
The “It’s-Funny-Cause-I’m-Fat” Kid
He’ll be the only kid to show up to the event and ask if the fraternity can order 3XL shirts. He’ll come in with a big goofy smile and a ketchup stain on his shirt. This kid is really just a one trick pony. His jokes will be funny and everyone will probably like him a lot, until it’s time to interview. He literally won't be able to turn off the “it’s-funny-cause-I’m-fat” bit. Simple questions like “Why do you want to join this fraternity?” will somehow stump the kid beyond belief. He unfortunately will also be the saddest kid when he doesn’t get a bid.
The Nerd
This kid will be the easiest to spot. He’ll have some awesome Target graphic tee’s and Sketchers. He really won’t have much to say about anything and his handshake will be limper than a wet noodle. He’ll be nice and there’s really nothing wrong with him, but he just doesn’t fit in with anyone. He will be honest and tell you that his step-dad or someone was “in a frat” and told him that he should rush. For what it’s worth, he’ll be able to help you hack into the campus Wi-Fi to drop your class on time and it’s always fun to watch people dip for the first time. You’ll have to convince him that he’ll probably get a bid in spring but he’s just not quite ready.
The Kid Who Peaked in High School
This kid will be rocking a T-shirt from his high school barely covering his tattoo of his high school football number. He will tell you all about his days as the best damn back up JV quarterback that his high school ever saw. He will complain about some ridiculous injury that “still bothers him most days.” He’ll tell you about all of the girls he smashed in high school, and by smashed he means made out with after drinking three Mike’s Hard Lemonade’s that he stole from his Mom. He really won’t seem to care that he didn’t get a bid but that interception he threw in the District Championship will still haunt his dreams.
The Rando
This is the kid who will show up at the event, eat the food, but won't actually talk to anyone, forcing the question, is he just lost? Even if someone goes up and starts talking to him, they will just leave the conversation even more confused than before. This guy can be anywhere from appearing to be 14 years old to 40+ years old. He will just make everyone uncomfortable, yet somehow he will get an interview.
Meeting your futures brothers is great and all, but the weirdos you meet during rush are the real MVPs of rush week. With Fall Rush coming up, remember to look everyone in the eyes and keep them open for these guys..
