Think You Want to Lose Weight? Read This First

Think You Want to Lose Weight? Read This First

it isn't all carrots and yoga, I know. I was a former "fat girl."

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I have a confession.

It is a confession that keeps me up at night, wondering what people may think of me. It is one that I choose to keep to myself, because I am deathly afraid of what people may think. It is one that has taught me many, many things. Some of those, I would've never known.

Here it is: I used to be the "fat girl".

As much as I wish it would disappear from my life as fast as an ex-boyfriend, it never leaves. For some reason, it will always be a part of me. Honestly, that is the part I hate the most.

Here are a a few hard truths that I learned once I dropped 50 pounds.


1. Literally no one really cares about your size 

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I'll be honest. Before I lost weight, I thought everyone was looking at me. I believed they were always watching me, seeing what I ate and how often. I spent too much time caring. I somehow made myself think that others had too much time on their hands and they could care about me. But really, I know that literally no one cares about your size. So, if you're thinking about losing weight because you're afraid of what others say, don't.

Like everyone else, we are always so caught up in our own minds. We are a machine full of too many emotions and a mind that seems to always think about ourselves. Turns out, everyone else is the same way.

We are all too busy worrying about ourselves to even judge anyone.

2. Losing weight doesn't feel or look pretty 

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Before I lost weight, I had always believed that being "skinny" would make me "pretty". Or, at least in society's eyes. However, my opinion began to shift once those pounds began dropping. My clothes swallowed my body, making my stomach look droopy and my legs look like huge inch worms that never stretched out. You see, losing weight is a process. One that isn't pretty, as t.v. likes to notate.

On top of that, you will probably lose a ton of hair. I remember getting out of the shower one night, the mirror streaked by stream. I remember picking up a bush, wiping the mirror and noticing that my hair was falling out by the handfuls. I was scared. Over time, my once thick, long hair became thin and stringy. Which didn't help my confidence in any way.

Who knew that getting dressed would become an emotional roller coaster? Who knew that staring into the mirror, staring my my imperfections would become my favorite self deprecating past time? To this day, I still don't see a "skinny" person.

3. Losing weight isn't a magic trick

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Throughout high school, I always thought that the "skinny" girls were the happiest. They always had the boyfriends and secrete admirers and friends. They laughed. They loved life. Or, so I thought.

ha

"When I am skinny," I thought. "I will be happy".

To this day, I still don't know why I thought that.

You see, those girls that were "skinny and happy" probably had grown to love life through trials and tough love. The fact that they were smaller than I was probably had nothing to do with their smile.

So, when I lost the weight, you can see why I was confused. I didn't wake up magically happy. I didn't gain a boyfriend. I was still Hannah.

Turns out, I make my own happiness, not bones or chubby bellies.

4. It is so easy to fall into unhealthy habits ​

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I ate 700 calories a day for about a year. No lie, this isn't healthy. But I was so obsessed with the idea of being "skinny".

Whenever I went out and saw someone I hadn't seen since the weight loss, I was addicted to their compliments. They would say, "oh Hannah! You look so skinny. How'd you do it?" I would simply tell them that I was counting calories and say nothing else. I was embarrassed to spill the details, but I loved the compliments too much to stop.

I knew that I needed to watch my weight and make sure I didn't gain any. I thought they were watching and waiting for me to relapse. I couldn't even stand the thought. So, I dieted harder.

Today, I rarely fall into those unhealthy habits. But, without a doubt, it is so easy to become too obsessed.

And no one tells you that.

I remember this specific day so clearly. It was one day after I had managed to summon up up enough (fake) confidence to post a "before" picture on my Facebook.

One of my new friends stopped me that next day, looking me in the eyes. I knew they had something to say, but the millisecond wait made me nervous.

There was something in her eyes that caught me off guard. It was a cocktail of confusion and admirment. "I would've never guessed," she simply stated.

I was confused. I remember giving her a look that said "what the heck are you talking about??"

Then, she answered my look, "your picture on Facebook. Your weight loss. I would've never guessed".

I stopped. "Really?"

And this was the moment that I realized that the weight will always be a part of me. Sometimes, it isn't that bad. It can teach me things. It gives me a story to tell others.

So, friend. Please take care of yourself. Your body deserves all the best.

love, the former fat girl

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Everything You Will Miss If You Commit Suicide

The world needs you.
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You won't see the sunrise or have your favorite breakfast in the morning.

Instead, your family will mourn the sunrise because it means another day without you.

You will never stay up late talking to your friends or have a bonfire on a summer night.

You won't laugh until you cry again, or dance around and be silly.

You won't go on another adventure. You won't drive around under the moonlight and stars.

They'll miss you. They'll cry.

You won't fight with your siblings only to make up minutes later and laugh about it.

You won't get to interrogate your sister's fiancé when the time comes.

You won't be there to wipe away your mother's tears when she finds out that you're gone.

You won't be able to hug the ones that love you while they're waiting to wake up from the nightmare that had become their reality.

You won't be at your grandparents funeral, speaking about the good things they did in their life.

Instead, they will be at yours.

You won't find your purpose in life, the love of your life, get married or raise a family.

You won't celebrate another Christmas, Easter or birthday.

You won't turn another year older.

You will never see the places you've always dreamed of seeing.

You will not allow yourself the opportunity to get help.

This will be the last sunset you see.

You'll never see the sky change from a bright blue to purples, pinks, oranges, and yellows meshing together over the landscape again.

If the light has left your eyes and all you see is the darkness, know that it can get better. Let yourself get better.

This is what you will miss if you leave the world today.

This is who will care about you when you are gone.

You can change lives. But I hope it's not at the expense of yours.

We care. People care.

Don't let today be the end.

You don't have to live forever sad. You can be happy. It's not wrong to ask for help.

Thank you for staying. Thank you for fighting.

Suicide is a real problem that no one wants to talk about. I'm sure you're no different. But we need to talk about it. There is no difference between being suicidal and committing suicide. If someone tells you they want to kill themselves, do not think they won't do it. Do not just tell them, “Oh you'll be fine." Because when they aren't, you will wonder what you could have done to help. Sit with them however long you need to and tell them it will get better. Talk to them about their problems and tell them there is help. Be the help. Get them assistance. Remind them of all the things they will miss in life.

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

Cover Image Credit: Brittani Norman

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Having a Plan

It's OK if things don't work out as planned.

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Growing up is a lot of work. As we age, there comes a certain pressure to know exactly what you intend to do with your life. This is something that society and often times the people we love most demand of us. Our culture is so busy there is no time to waste. "You need to be driven, have a goal," is the scream of the world. This ideology has shaped every ounce of who we are. We panic when we don't know. We're supposed to have an answer.

We plan and we plan and we plan, and we make ourselves miserable in the process. We become so caught up in the logistics that we look all around us: left, right, forwards, and backward. We search all over to no prevail, and we forget to look up.

Proverbs 16:9 (HCSB):

A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps.

This is something I've been learning in my time at college. And I'm a planner. I like a good plan. When things don't go according to plan, I tend to resort to panic.

All this to say, plans aren't a bad thing, but it's important to recognize it's OK if our plan doesn't work out exactly.

It's also OK not to know it all right now. There are things in life that will come to pass before we know it. So don't rush.

God's timing is more than perfect. Even when we don't understand.

God's plan is never messed up, so we should take comfort in that.

Rest in this truth today. Surrender your plans to the Lord, and take a breath.

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