If you're anything like me (and let's hope you aren't), you're very aware of the fact that Halloween is rapidly approaching but you're still stuck when it comes to figuring out your costume. Sure, you could do something conventional, thrown haphazardly together at the last minute after a few stops at Walmart and Walgreens, but why not maybe try something a little bit new this year?
Now, I know this sounds daunting, especially for those of you who are definitely not at all creative when it comes to dressing up for this spectacular holiday. As someone who pretty much copped out for like six straight years by wearing a massive, droopy sack of orange fabric masquerading as some kind of pumpkin, I am very familiar with a lack of inspiration for costumes. In fact, I'm jealous of people who commit so much to their Halloween attire, who strive to make every last detail perfect and always succeed. Compared to these dedicated human beings, I basically am just as good as the orange sack monstrosity I wore every year.
Luckily, there is still time to make this Halloween something special and to prove once and for all that maybe you aren't as bad at this whole dressing-up thing as you might think you are! Or, you could prove that you are as bad at the dressing-up thing as you thought, but at least no one can say you didn't make some kind of an effort.
On my end, Halloween costumes are always difficult because I have zero inspiration. Ever. I have friends who spend ages cultivating the perfect costumes because they've been waiting since November 1 of the previous year to show it off. They have thousands of potential costume ideas cataloged in their minds at any given time. I am very much not like that, as my mind is usually simultaneously thinking about what I am going to have for my next meal and that sound Tim Allen makes at the end of the "Home Improvement" theme song.
Luckily, inspiration can come from anywhere, and for this Halloween, I'm going to try to draw inspiration from what I know best: my college campus. For all the time I spend there, it should be easy to come up with a few ideas from the unique student body that occupies Truman's campus at any given time. So, if you're still looking for something to be this Halloween, maybe give this list a read, or at least spend a couple hours aimlessly wandering campus looking for your own ideas. There's bound to be something bizarre/unsettling/confusing awaiting you.
1. The pretentious English major in your required literature class
This one is probably pretty easy. All you really need to do is adopt a sense of unfounded superiority over your fellow man, dress up in the most "effortless" (it's always obviously constructed) disheveled way you can, and spend your evening acting as condescending as possible. For full commitment, carry around a paperback copy of "Catcher in the Rye" or something. Make sure it's well-worn. Ask every single person you come in contact with if they've read it, and regardless of whether or not, ask them their opinions and then tell them they're wrong.
2. Your slightly unhinged Sociology professor
Dress in lots of solid colored, matching shirt/long skirt combinations and also make sure to crush the dreams of your peers. Please don't forget the latter, it's crucial to selling the part. Also, make sure to speak in vague, confusing fragments and to never actually answer questions directly asked of you. Your friends will love your commitment but also probably never invite you to anything ever again.
3. A student trapped in hammock
This one is pretty easy because all you have to do is buy one of those hammocks that zips up and cocoons you like a caterpillar and then frantically run/hop around parties, bumping into unsuspecting drunk students. Not only will it be hilarious, you don't even have to exert any effort in social interactions! No one will even need to see your face! It's foolproof! Just make sure you wear a lot of padding, you'll probably fall down a lot.
4. An overzealous religious dude who stands on the quad and hands out little bibles
The hardest part of this one, of course, is getting enough tiny bibles. However, if you've gone to school here for over a year, chances are you probably have at least 12 already. An optional part of this costume is yelling at people who don't accept your bibles that they're going to hell. People always love that, though, so definitely consider.
Bonus couple's costume: Kirksville squirrel and terrified student
For those of you hoping to do something cute for you and your significant other, look no further than Truman campus's own wildlife. Nothing goes together quite as flawlessly as a ruthless, probably-mutated squirrel and an innocent, petrified student just trying to get to class. For full commitment, make sure the squirrel pelts the student viciously with acorns when they least expect it. Also, feel free to pelt other unassuming party-goers; it'll feel just like being on campus!