Four Strange Realities Of Having A Ghost Grandfather
Start writing a post
Health and Wellness

Four Strange Realities Of Having A Ghost Grandfather

¿Dónde está heaven?

126
Four Strange Realities Of Having A Ghost Grandfather

Late last year, my grandfather was nailing Christmas lights to the house, when he fell and punctured both lungs. Unfortunately, he did not live. Grieving was a very difficult process. I still grapple with it today. However, there is one caveat.

See, apparently my grandfather has unfinished business here on Earth, and therefore, has not been allowed into heaven or hell. We’ve yet to figure out what his unfinished business is, but there are some difficulties of having a ghost grandpa no one would ever think of.

1. Performing a séance just to say "Hi."

Ghosts in real life differ from ghosts in movies and cartoons in several ways. They don’t just hang around and join the gang on wacky adventures. Instead, they are kept in purgatory “ghost tanks.” They stay there until someone on Earth summons them. Then they have 24 hours to do as they please before they must return to their ghost tank.

We try to get grandpa out three or four times a month to let him stretch his legs, but honestly, I’m not sure it’s worth the expenses. Our incense bill alone has nearly tripled since before his death. Don’t get me wrong, my family loves grandpa, but sometimes I’ve got homework or Mom has to catch the finale of "Dancing With the Stars" and we just don’t have time to clean the ectoplasm off the floor.

2. So. Much. Ectoplasm.

Commonly mistaken as hand sanitizer when people enter our household, ectoplasm is an odorless, gel-like substance that secretes from every pore of a ghost. Grandpa tries his best to not get it on the carpet, but much like sweat from the human body, it’s difficult to not spread when it literally comes from EVERY HOLE IN THE BODY.

And that’s not all. Try explaining to your girlfriend what ectoplasm is. No matter what, she won’t believe the condom didn’t break. I wish grandpa would leave me alone when I’m in my room. But that leads me to my next point…

3. Only family members can see ghosts.

That’s right. Girlfriends won’t believe you when you tell her that your grandpa is a ghost because she can’t see him. She likely also does not believe in ghosts. They say that only one in every 10 million deaths worldwide produces a ghost. Because only family members can see ghosts, this has led to some very awkward circumstances such as:

  • Having to explain to the amusement park staff why the seat next to you must stay open.
  • A mall Santa wearing clothes, but lacking a face or body.
  • Explaining to the teacher why your homework is covered in ectoplasm.

Not only that, but Grandpa has this terrible habit where he sneaks up on Grandma and tries to scare her to death. He just wants her over on the other side, but we keep reminding him that she’s his better half and she’ll definitely go to heaven. Sometimes all Grandpa wants to do is finish his unfinished business so he can ascend as well.

4. Even ghosts get sad.

Sometimes Grandpa and I will stay up late at night, talking about his life and my life. He tells me stories about when he was young, and always mentions how he and I are not so different.

But once in a while, he’ll get off on a tangent about his post-mortem courtroom trial that landed him in purgatory. See, God was unavailable as legal representation, so Grandpa was stuck with St. Peter, a law student who has yet to pass the bar. The Devil nearly got Grandpa’s soul until Peter presented evidence that Grandpa had unfinished business on Earth. The jury concurred, and Gramps was sent to a ghost tank.

According to him, ghost tanks are cramped, yet lonely. Tight, but entirely too spacious. He’ll cry ectoplasm until I fall asleep, and usually when I wake up, he’s gone. Back to purgatory. Though I love him and hope he someday discovers a way to get to heaven, I know I’ll miss him when he’s gone.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

48184
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

30590
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

954522
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

175016
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments