"Chopped" is the new Iron Chef America. I used to watch "Iron Chef" fanatically until the dark day it got cancelled. That rabid fanaticism was soon sated by the next Food Network craze, "Chopped." "Chopped" combines the best of both worlds (tell me you didn’t just sing that): food and copious amounts of competition. "Chopped" consists of three rounds: appetizer, entree and dessert. Each round is timed and all items in the basket, no matter how heinous, must be used in each dish. Do you love watching chefs agonize over who gets to the ice cream machine first? Does watching people having stressful meltdowns in the last seconds of competition give you life? Well folks, are you ready to be a "Chopped" Fan Champion?

1. The Judges

Whether you love to love the angelic Maneet Chauhan or love to hate the devilish Scott Conant, there is a "Chopped" judge out there for you. As a "Chopped" enthusiast, you learn that each judge has a special quirk. For example, if a dessert is not sweet enough, Amanda Freitag will completely lose it. If a dish is not spicy enough, there will be hell to pay if Aaron Sanchez is judging, but you had better hope that Geofferey Zakarian is judging, because too much spice, and you’ll make his pale skin turn a brilliant shade of fuchsia. The "Chopped" judges are some of the most accomplished innovators in the culinary world with sharp tongues and sharper knives. Respect.

2. Ted Allen

The host of "Chopped" is so great that he gets his very own paragraph. Ted Allen is the embodiment of a beautiful cinnamon roll that is too good for this world. Show me another judge that sounds like he is about to cry every time he has to chop a contestant. From his tailored suits to his dorky food puns, what is there not to love? Just look at his adorable little face!

3. The Contestants

Every time I watch "Chopped," I am amazed at the diversity in backgrounds before me. Though "Chopped" is not always racially diverse or a proponent of gender equality, the chefs chosen to compete always come from very different backgrounds. The food world is amazingly accessible for all types of people. One competitor may have learned from his grandmother in the kitchen, while another chef may have been classically trained in France. Competitors come from all walks of life: former addicts, runaways or just plain-old food enthusiasts. The culinary world is a place where the past is in the past, and the only thing that matters is if you know how to properly poach enough whitefish for a party of 300 guests within the next hour. No big deal right?

4. The Baskets

Please open your baskets. Who doesn’t want to watch a group of chefs attempt to make an edible and refined appetizer with gummy eggs? "Chopped" is a humane form of torture where giving a chef fried crickets and sour lemon candies in one basket is considered mere child’s play. The creativity cultivated through this competition is astounding in a kitchen where amateurs, professionals and celebrity chefs battle to become the "Chopped" Champion.

Basically, "Chopped" is the best show ever, and if you don’t like it, I hope you and Scott Conant enjoy eating raw red onions and under-cooked risotto for the rest of eternity.