4 Halloween Costumes that are 2 Spooky 4 U

4 Halloween Costumes that are 2 Spooky 4 U

Forget carving pumpkins, lets incite true fear.
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Are you sitting there, half-reading these words right now because you're so distracted by the monstrous decision of how to scare the living bat ears out of everyone this Halloween?

Well, focus your full attention! The following words will inspire the gangly, twisted, moss-ridden monster within you to really cause some frightening moments on people this year.

4. A Rabid Dog

The terror of a rabid dog is one that pushes fear to a decision-making point very quickly. That dog's growling at you and you either run, or punt it. Either way it might give you a fatal nibble on the tootsies.

The great thing about this easy costume is that you don't even need to dress up. Lets face it, even if you did dress up, everyone would still know that you were a human. All you need to do is act like a rabid dog.

If you were in a bar having a nice time on Halloween with your horrifyingly spooky friends and some cunt scrabbled across the floor going "Arahahagrhghgahgrhagh!" and bearing his horrid teeth at you then be honest, you'd be bloody terrified.

3. A Fake Fake Doctor (Only Works If You're Actually a Real Doctor)

Lets say that your battle with that bloke in the pub who was acting like a rabid dog for Halloween didn't go so well. Now you're in A&E with a big red bite wound on your leg and nausea is setting in hard.

Your thinking, "Jesus, I'm gonna have to be bloody amputated at this rate, what a shit night!" That's a good opinion and a sound medical decision.

But what's this? The doctor's telling you that it's all in your head. There is no bite wound. Worst of all, he's pulling out an orbitoclast and restraining you with leather straps. He pulls out some gummy sweets and eats handful after handful of them, laughing wildly as they spill out of his mouth.

All the while you struggle to break free. Then he calls up what sounds like another doctor and starts asking for advice on how to lobotomize someone. You think, "is he even a bloody doctor?!"

What a terrifying prospect to think he might not be!

2. A Terrorist

You manage to release yourself from the grips of the fake, insane doctor. You're hobbling through the hospital clutching your swollen leg and searching for an exit. ]

Halloween is going ok. It's been pretty frightening so far, which is what it's all about.

At the reception desk, you taste the cold October air of freedom when a bearded white male slams through the main entrance screaming wildly. You leap behind some chairs and clutch a pair of legs that are as large as tree-trunks, thinking they might be your last point of living human contact.

Between the thighs and through a gap in the worn, green hospital chairs you see the man throwing off a trench-coat to reveal an intricate series of things that look like bombs wired all over his chest.

Being far too delirious from the rabid gentleman's bite and having had no valuable help from the fake fake doctor earlier, you think the papier-mache cubes on him are real bombs and faint from the ultimate fear that you are about to die. Spooky, eh?

1. A Policeman whose Job it is to Inform You that Everyone You Know and Love has Died

Finally, you wake up. Dust is stagnant in the cube of electronic white coming from the ceiling light filled with dead flies. A silhouette blurs into focus.

"Where am I?" you ask.

"In the hospital, son," says the unfamiliar voice of Stan Jones, the local sheriff (or so you think).

"What happened? I thought it was Halloween," you say, slightly disappointed that it might be over.

"It doesn't matter what ween it is, son. I've got some terrifying news for you."

You stare into his lightly wrinkled eyes that are blue enough to place his words directly into the center your mind.

"Your parents are dead," he says, looking deeper, "your friends, I've tried calling them all. They're all dead."

"But they-"

"I'm sorry, son. They're dead."

"What about-"

"He's dead," he says like a full stop. He lets out a long breath through his nose, looks downwards, places his hat upon his stringy, balding head and leaves you there, staring into your future completely devoid of recognisable contact. The longer you stare, the more terrifying the prospects become. Life seems so spooky without those you love, maybe even 2 spooky 4 u.


Did these fun and interesting ideas inspire you? Let me know which ones you're going to try this Halloween below!

Cover Image Credit: globe views

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13 Summer Struggles Only Thick Girls Understand

Chaffing. So much chaffing.
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Summer is a lovely time. A time of cookouts, swimming and sunny weather. But if you're a "thick girl," summer sometimes brings more unpleasantries than it does for slimmer women. No matter how beautiful and confident you are in your body, it can bring some struggles.

1. The living hell that is shorts shopping

Step 1: Find the biggest size the store has.

Step 2: (If you can even get those on): Realize your stomach is being squeezed into the top, your butt is falling out of the back and your thighs are having the life squished out of them.

Step 3: Realize why winter isn't so bad.

2. And dealing with them even after finding a pair that "fits"

Nothing like taking a pair of shorts home you remember fitting you okay in the store and then walking for 45 seconds and pulling them out of your butt or crotch 17 times. Truly a magical experience.

3. And every bathing suit you try on shows more skin than you'd planned

Even the most conservative bathing suit turns into cleavage-city and a non-cheeky set of bottoms turns into a thong. I promise, older people glaring at me in my sexual bathing suit, I didn't mean for this to happen!

4. Chaffing. So much chaffing

No better feeling than 4 minutes into wearing short shorts realizing that your inner thighs are literally tearing themselves apart. Body Glide and baby powder are a thick girl's #1 necessity.

5. Loving rompers. Rompers not loving you.

Rompers are made with short and skinny girls in mind. Heaven forbid you're not short, and heaven forbid you're not skinny. Rompers are like a mystical article of clothing that, no matter what, always just barely doesn't fit.

6. Imagining wearing a sundress with a strapless bra and just laughing

Of course, not all thick girls are well-endowed in the boob department, but if you are, you understand how hilarious the thought of you wearing a strapless bra truly is.

7. And bralettes are a thing of fantasy

Once again, bralettes are designed for a very specific body type. One that I do not fall into.

8. Feeling like you need to constantly defend yourself for dressing like you want to

There are so many posts and tweets and just general ideals that people have that certain sized women can't wear certain clothing. You shouldn't feel the need to defend yourself for wearing a cute crop top or a bikini, but you will.

9. And always feeling looked at when you're rocking your swim suit

Yes, I see your judging eyes, and yes, they are making me feel like shit. It doesn't matter how confident you are in your body, people looking at you like you just killed somebody just because you're wearing something typically made for smaller women doesn't make you feel good.

10. Did I mention chaffing?

I just felt like something so horrible couldn't just be mentioned once.

11. Online shopping for cute summer outfits and then none of them fitting you correctly

There's always the dreaded "one size fits all" for plus-sized women. As if there's just one way to be plus-sized. No matter how much they promise online that it'll fit well, it won't.

12. Seeing tiny girls complaining about losing their "summer bodies"

So many tweets talking about choosing food over a summer body. So many profile pictures of traditionally skinny women. I'm not saying that thick girls are the only ones who can complain about their summer bodies, and thick girls do not have a monopoly one not feeling confident in their bodies. But it is hard to see those posts knowing that those women would be glorified in their swimwear while you'd be gawked at.

13. The "you go girl!" comments on your oh-so-brave bikini photos

Compliments are nice, and positive comments while wearing a bikini go a long way. But the dreaded "you go girl" comment just seems so condescending. Just treat me like anyone else you'd see wearing a bikini. I promise, I'd like to feel like that.

Cover Image Credit: Sara Petty

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Poetry On Odyssey: Embrace Spring For It Is Here.

"A Cheesy Spring Poem For Those Who Enjoy Spring"
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A Spring Poem

In December Christmas came and Santa came on his sleigh

He left presents under the tree and left on his way

Many snow days were used for the children to stay in

They got to play in the snow in the cold with the wind

Hanukkah lasted eight days with so much joy

A present for all eight days which included money and toys

In January the New Years arrived with 2018

It was a beautiful night for the ball to be seen

February came with more snow to fall

With kids missing more school, they were having a ball

Valentine's Day showed love was in the air

With proposals and flowers you could see everywhere

March showed lots of green with its Patty's day fun

Celebrating with loved ones while wishing for the sun

April would soon come around, but March had some unpredicted weather

Everyone wanted summer to come and make things better

Finally some flowers would bloom but it would rain

But hey the flowers need to grow and the seasons need to change

Easter springs along with egg hunts to come

The bunny did not hide them too hard so the kids could find some

Passover arrived with potato pancakes and meat

Jewish individuals came together to feel blessed and have a feast

April fool's day will come so watch out for a prank or two or three

Don't pass a black cat and watch for the cracks on the street

We were lucky to have some beautiful days to be outside

Hopefully the snowy and rainy weather will soon pass us by

May is just around the corner so we still have some Spring

Let's see what the sunshine of May will bring

Appreciate April though because of the memories you made

As Spring is a fun season that you do not want to waste

Be mindful of Spring for its colors and nice weather

Where you can get away with hoodies and comfortable sweaters

Spring is about and will stay for just a little while

So you might as well embrace it and wear your best Spring smile

Happy Spring!

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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