Are you sitting there, half-reading these words right now because you're so distracted by the monstrous decision of how to scare the living bat ears out of everyone this Halloween?
Well, focus your full attention! The following words will inspire the gangly, twisted, moss-ridden monster within you to really cause some frightening moments on people this year.
4. A Rabid Dog
The terror of a rabid dog is one that pushes fear to a decision-making point very quickly. That dog's growling at you and you either run, or punt it. Either way it might give you a fatal nibble on the tootsies.
The great thing about this easy costume is that you don't even need to dress up. Lets face it, even if you did dress up, everyone would still know that you were a human. All you need to do is act like a rabid dog.
If you were in a bar having a nice time on Halloween with your horrifyingly spooky friends and some cunt scrabbled across the floor going "Arahahagrhghgahgrhagh!" and bearing his horrid teeth at you then be honest, you'd be bloody terrified.
3. A Fake Fake Doctor (Only Works If You're Actually a Real Doctor)
Lets say that your battle with that bloke in the pub who was acting like a rabid dog for Halloween didn't go so well. Now you're in A&E with a big red bite wound on your leg and nausea is setting in hard.
Your thinking, "Jesus, I'm gonna have to be bloody amputated at this rate, what a shit night!" That's a good opinion and a sound medical decision.
But what's this? The doctor's telling you that it's all in your head. There is no bite wound. Worst of all, he's pulling out an orbitoclast and restraining you with leather straps. He pulls out some gummy sweets and eats handful after handful of them, laughing wildly as they spill out of his mouth.
All the while you struggle to break free. Then he calls up what sounds like another doctor and starts asking for advice on how to lobotomize someone. You think, "is he even a bloody doctor?!"
What a terrifying prospect to think he might not be!
2. A Terrorist
You manage to release yourself from the grips of the fake, insane doctor. You're hobbling through the hospital clutching your swollen leg and searching for an exit. ]
Halloween is going ok. It's been pretty frightening so far, which is what it's all about.
At the reception desk, you taste the cold October air of freedom when a bearded white male slams through the main entrance screaming wildly. You leap behind some chairs and clutch a pair of legs that are as large as tree-trunks, thinking they might be your last point of living human contact.
Between the thighs and through a gap in the worn, green hospital chairs you see the man throwing off a trench-coat to reveal an intricate series of things that look like bombs wired all over his chest.
Being far too delirious from the rabid gentleman's bite and having had no valuable help from the fake fake doctor earlier, you think the papier-mache cubes on him are real bombs and faint from the ultimate fear that you are about to die. Spooky, eh?
1. A Policeman whose Job it is to Inform You that Everyone You Know and Love has Died
Finally, you wake up. Dust is stagnant in the cube of electronic white coming from the ceiling light filled with dead flies. A silhouette blurs into focus.
"Where am I?" you ask.
"In the hospital, son," says the unfamiliar voice of Stan Jones, the local sheriff (or so you think).
"What happened? I thought it was Halloween," you say, slightly disappointed that it might be over.
"It doesn't matter what ween it is, son. I've got some terrifying news for you."
You stare into his lightly wrinkled eyes that are blue enough to place his words directly into the center your mind.
"Your parents are dead," he says, looking deeper, "your friends, I've tried calling them all. They're all dead."
"I'm sorry, son. They're dead."
"He's dead," he says like a full stop. He lets out a long breath through his nose, looks downwards, places his hat upon his stringy, balding head and leaves you there, staring into your future completely devoid of recognisable contact. The longer you stare, the more terrifying the prospects become. Life seems so spooky without those you love, maybe even 2 spooky 4 u.
Did these fun and interesting ideas inspire you? Let me know which ones you're going to try this Halloween below!